Crosby in Wonderland

After nearly three decades with the Walt Disney Company, it probably comes as no surprise to you when I say that I've spent a lot of time in Wonderland. Although no longer with Disney, I still find myself deep into my own private wonderland. I can't help wondering about all sorts of stuff, some major, some quite a bit less than that. For example:

I wonder why the media insists on sticking the word "gate" to the end of every new political scandal that comes up. Yes, yes, I know it comes from the Nixon Watergate Hotel scandal, but c'mon folks, that was over 40 years ago! Every political scandal since then has had "gate" hooked on to it. Enough already. I'm sure the media still thinks it's being clever, but really guys, can't you come up with something else after 43 years? Please, no more "Whitewater gate," "Bimbo gate," "Bridge gate," "Deflate gate," "IRS gate," or "e-mail gate." Figure out a new nomenclature.

I wonder when young women started talking so fast, and I mean so fast that it is virtually impossible to comprehend what it is they're attempting to say. What's their hurry? And while we're on the subject, I've noticed lately that many seemingly well-educated young news people on TV do not pronounce the "t" in words anymore. For example they pronounce the word "important" as "im por ant." Where does that come from? I wonder why we constantly hear about how Social Security is g

oing to run out of money but we never hear about welfare or food stamps running out of money. It's interesting to note that the first group actually worked for their money, but the second group didn't.

I wonder if a man says something in the woods and there are no women around to hear him, is he still wrong?

I wonder why small business owners and private middle class citizens are harassed and have gone to jail over not paying taxes when rich, well-connected Democrats like civil rights leader and race provocateur, Al Sharpton gets away with owing more than $3 million in back taxes. Could his tight relationship to President Obama have something to do with that? I wonder.

I wonder why suddenly flat screen televisions seem to be popping up in so many public places today. You find them not only in bars, but restaurants, stores, doctor and dentist offices, barbershops, and even gas stations. Many places have as many as three or four sets. What's interesting is, look around next time you happen to be in a place with multiple TVs and see just how many people are actually watching them. Hardly anyone.

With women making major advancements in occupations that have up until now been exclusively male, I wonder why we haven't seen many women becoming gardeners, ditch diggers, or car washers? Where are all the female bus boys, baggage handlers, and construction workers? How many women work in the meat and poultry slaughter houses? Where are the women plumbers and electricians? How come no one is anxious to break those "glass ceilings?" I wonder.

I wonder why so many of our young men take no interest in looking well groomed and well dressed. How did appearing in public looking dirty and ugly get to be the "in thing?" When did dirty become better than clean? Why is it great to ink up one's body with graffiti and hieroglyphics? And who thought it was a great idea for grown men to walk around in sandals and flip-flops? Here's a flash for you, men's feet are not wonderful to look at.

I wonder why so many Jewish people support big government entitlements, socialism, and the nanny state when historically Jewish teachings and traditions stressed self-reliance and personal responsibility. I don't know too many Jews who achieved success from welfare programs, quotas, and affirmative action. My guess is most poor Jews did it through education and hard work.

I wonder why people are afraid of heights but not widths. I wonder why men and women's shoes are sized differently. I wonder why if you look good they say you're "hot" but they also say you're "cool." I wonder what an atheist swears on when he takes the stand in court. I wonder how it's possible to have jumbo shrimp. I wonder why we never hear about psychics winning big at the racetrack or breaking the bank in Las Vegas or making a killing in the stock market.

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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. He's also a Southern California-based freelance writer.