Leave My Language Alone!

As a traditional, logic based, common sense person who also happens to be drop-dead handsome, incredibly intelligent, enormously talented and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound (okay, I made up the tall buildings part), I have always appreciated clear thinking and plain speaking. Preferably in that order. This is why I find himself constantly irritated these days at the demise of our beautiful English language, both as it is written and as it is spoken.

Yes, I know I shouldn't care about the English language since it is nothing more but a relic of a crumbling imperialistic white supremacy mindset. A reminder of how white male racists communicate with each other through secret words (known as dog whistles) to dominate, denigrate and disenfranchise (the 3 evil 'D' s) other groups such as the black community, the women community, the LGBTQ community, community property, community college and the community chest.

I know. I know. Language is an ever-evolving process, constantly shifting and changing. But so are earthquakes but that doesn't make them a good thing. And remember, language changes usually happen gradually over time, not in the nano-second it takes to twit out a made-up word to your pimply-faced friend who is lying on the floor on the other side of your bedroom.

Bad enough when the teeny boppers and hipsters do it, but when it seeps into mainstream culture then the rest of us are forced to listen to the crapola at every turn. Want examples? I thought you'd never ask. Let's start with the little things first, then we can work our way up to the more cringe worthy words and phrases a bit later.

1. How about the noodle and cheese dish commonly referred to as "mac and cheese?" If you are wondering what could possibly be wrong with that, then my guess is that you were born no further back than about 40 years ago. You see, prior to that, the dish used to be called "macaroni and cheese." Everybody called it macaroni and cheese. Mom and dad called it macaroni and cheese. TV commercials called it macaroni and cheese.

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Restaurants called it macaroni and cheese. And now nobody does. What was the problem with using the pasta's full name? And if we're going to shorten it, then why not abbreviate both of the ingredients? Call it "mac and che."

2. Okay, here's another stupid abbreviation of a food. "Slaw." C'mon, is it really so difficult to say, "coleslaw?" Yeah I guess it is, because everyone now just says, "slaw." "Would you like a side of slaw with that?" "Sure, I'll have some slaw with my mac and che." The term "coleslaw" arose in the 18th century as anÊanglicizationÊof the Dutch term "koolsla" ("kool" in Dutch sounds like "cole") meaning "cabbage salad." The "cole" part of the word comes from the Latin colis, meaning "cabbage" and the "sla" part means salad. Have we stopped saying "coleslaw" because of fear of cultural appropriation or just plain laziness?

3. Many times the meaning of a word will be altered or the pronunciation will change because a majority of people have mispronounced it so much that it becomes, dare I say, acceptable. Case in point: "Conversate." For as long as I can remember if you were having a talk with someone you were "conversing." Not anymore. Now you are "conversating." Not kidding, I've heard this many times.

4. Another word change due to ignorance is "borrow" as in, "I borrowed him my car." That's right, many young people are using the word "borrowed" for the word "loaned." If that sounds to you like something a moronic character might have said in "Tobacco Road" or "Li'l Abner" than good for you! You've been raised with good grammar, which means you went to school before the 1970's.

5. When you're out with friends and having a really good time, you know like laughing and telling stories and just enjoying yourselves, if you are asked about it later you might say "we had so much fun!"

Well, you MIGHT say that if you grew up learning proper syntax. But if you're like most young people today you'll most likely say, "It was so fun!" Turning what once was a noun into an adjective.

The worse part of these improper word uses is that once they become the conversational norm ultimately they become the written norm and finally they will be considered proper grammar. In other words, proper grammar is eventually dictated by ignorant morons! And that thought is just not so fun!

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