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Jewish World Review Oct. 26, 1999 / 16 Mar-Cheshvan, 5760
A NUMBER OF WELL-KNOWN international groups are very unhappy with my wife
and me.
The disapprovers are entitled to their opinion, of course. But it can
become irksome when strangers, confronted with the sight of my beloved
family, offer unsolicited judgments.
Recidivist parents
By Rabbi Avi Shafran
We are, you see, "multi-children" parents, violators of both the law of
averages and the sensibilities of folks like those at Zero Population Growth
and other such organizations. Yes, my wife and I helped contribute, even
more than most American parents, to the world population's recent passing of
the six billion mark.
Many of our friends, for the most part Orthodox Jews like us, have similarly
chosen to raise large families, sometimes with six, seven, even ten or more
children. To others, we must seem at best unbalanced, at worst
irresponsible, for our choices - choices we regarded, and still regard, as
entirely wise and proper.
The smiles and even the pointing fingers don't bother me; I try to follow
the Talmud's dictum to judge others favorably, to assume the best: here,
that the smilers and pointers are happy for us. But commentators like the
fellow in the airport who snidely query-editorialized, "Catholic or
careless?" leave very little room for good will. ("Jewish and caring," I
responded; it was all I could summon at the moment.)
And then there was what was probably my personal nadir of incivility, years
ago in a California supermarket, when a severe-looking lady with an
unmistakably Teutonic accent scolded a much younger and brasher me -
wheeling a daughter-filled double stroller - with a humorless comment,
something like, "Well YOU certainly don't believe in population control!"
On that occasion, I must admit, I was inexcusably rude. My Polish-born
father and father-in-law each had siblings who never managed to make it out
of young adulthood, thanks to some folks' efficient determination to starve,
shoot, gas or burn them. Several of my children carry the names of those
unmet great-aunts and great-uncles.
Maybe it was the matron's accent that sent me, relatively speaking, over the
edge. "When I reach six million," I heard myself intone through clenched
teeth, "I'll consider stopping."
Though I think that, over the years, I have become more understanding of
others' dismay at large families, I haven't quite managed to bring myself to
regret that particular retort, graceless though it was.
As it happens, though, the Fraulein was quite right. My wife and I are
unrepentant infidels when it comes to the ZPG movement. The "expert"
predictions in the 1960s about a world swarming with wall-to-wall humanity
within a decade or two have proven silly. And although new claims have
emerged about a future "population crisis", they, like their predecessors,
are impelled more by ideology than by empirical evidence. One need do no
more than take a drive across the vast empty spaces even within our own
relatively crowded country to realize how lightly populated the planet
really is.
And, if that doesn't do the trick, return across Canada.
A subsequent stroll, moreover, down any Manhattan, Chicago or Los Angeles
restaurant-row, taking note of the prodigious amounts of food daily
discarded in modern cities, would be an equally eye-opening experience.
Human malnutrition, informed folk know, is the result not of new babies but
of old problems. Humans still starve, tragically, at the turn of the
millennium not because there is too little food but because of poor
management, inefficient distribution and - perhaps primarily - because of
the unconcern (or worse) of other humans.
In any event, much more than disbelief in doomsday scenarios or
determination to re-establish truncated genealogies figures in my wife's and
my choice of a large family. We would have endeavored no less even if
Canada resembled Calcutta, even if the Holocaust had been only a bad horror
film instead of history, even if we had needed to pull names for our
children from the void.
For our faith-system, that of all Jews' ancestors over millennia, views
procreation in and of itself as the holiest of endeavors, and children as
the greatest of blessings. And when it comes to blessings, as most folk
seem to naturally (though less aptly, to my lights) understand with regard
to the monetary sort - the more, the merrier. How ironic, I often reflect:
Were children shares of blue-chip stocks, my wife and I would be regarded
with neither disapproval nor curiosity but envy.
Which is not to say that having children is, in the end, a self-serving
vocation. It is true that life offers no joy remotely approaching the
resplendent sight, at the end of a long, hard day, of a joyous, squeaking
two-year-old face one has loved since its appearance on earth bobbing above
a pair of little arms opened wide. But the challenges of raising children,
especially several times the average number of children per family, are
considerable. Barring a lottery-win, my family won't ever retain a
housekeeper or own a boat - or, for that matter, a road vehicle that someone
else hasn't driven for 50,000 or 60,000 miles first. And any disposable
income we manage to amass is quickly absorbed by one or another worthy but
costly educational institution.
At the same time, though, and above all else, we believe with our hearts and
souls that our children are gifts beyond all earthly value. And my wife and
I are doing all in our power to help ensure that our progeny will use their
precious lives for the good of their fellow Jews and of humanity.
So if you should find yourself at a playground or highway rest stop and spy
a group of Jewish kids of various ages who seem to resemble one another,
please don't think their parents irresponsible. Try to remember that a
profound commitment and deep love likely lie behind the striking sight.
And if it should happen to be my family, we'll all do our part, and try to
interpret any smiles we elicit as expressions of
delight.
Rabbi Avi Shafran is American Director of Am Echad, an international organization promoting Jewish unity. He may be reached by clicking here.
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