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Jewish World Review April 26, 1999 / 10 Iyar, 5759
Rabbi Avi Shafran
WHEN THE ODDLY SHAPED PACKAGE arrived in the mail, several of my colleagues at
Agudath Israel happened to be in my office. I took the cylindrical 20-inch mailing container
in hand and looked at the return address. It was from Mr. Blue (a pseudonym), an older gentleman in
Northern California with whom I have been corresponding for several months.
Mr. Blue, who had first contacted me to take rather strong issue with something I had
written in a certain Jewish webzine, had never made a secret of his negative feelings for
Orthodox Jews and Orthodox Judaism. We argued back and forth in letters over those
months, he quoting news reports and enclosing press clippings and I responding with
protestations, corrections and explanations.
"It's from someone not exactly enamoured of us 'Ultras'," I told my friends with a laugh.
After making a lame joke about the package ticking, I tore off the wrapping and unveiled a
two piece Styrofoam container which, when taken apart, yielded... a bottle of fine kosher
Cabernet.
There are no Orthodox Jews where Mr. Blue lives. He had formed his opinion of the
Jewish religious heritage and those dedicated to it from the only sources available to him:
the pages of newspapers and word of less-than-friendly mouths --- some, no doubt, speaking
stridently from pulpits. And so his first missive had been accusatory and indignant in tone.
All the same, though, I realized from the start, he had bothered to write, and that says he
cares. And so I had written him back in a friendly tone, expressing the hurt rather than the
anger that his words --- a hodgepodge of common misconceptions and overheard half-truths -
- had caused me. And so it was that our extended correspondence began.
Now, many months later, Mr. Blue still sends me press reports of outrageous
statements by some Orthodox rabbis, displays biases, and misconstrues things he reads; he
may never fully accept my point of view. Yet he has, I think, come to realize that Orthodox
Jews are not the shallow caricatures he once assumed, and that we consider all Jews to be
parts of the Jewish people. He has been forced to concede, to boot, that we are real people,
people from whom he can elicit a reasoned response, people with whom he can have a good
argument, people whose day he can brighten with a bottle of wine.
And even as he has, I hope, learned a bit from me; I know I have learned much from
him. Not only about the depth of misconception that some Jews, sadly, harbor about the
Orthodox world, but also about how deeply caring and serious about Judaism a self-
described non-observant Jew can be, about how hurtful and harmful unwisely chosen
Orthodox words and deeds can be to our precious fellow Jews -- and, most important, about
the holy bond of Jewish peoplehood that transcends levels of observance.
Over the course of the day, the bottle of wine on my desk jogged my memory and
brought back another interaction I had with someone not well disposed toward Orthodoxy.
A letter to the editor had appeared in a magazine published by the Reform movement.
The letter, written by a teen-aged girl, had apparently been inspired by an article in an earlier
issue of the periodical, in which a Reform rabbi had contended that Orthodox Jews have
contempt for Jews who are not like themselves. "Why," wrote the young woman, "when
there is so much anti-Semitism in the world, must fellow Jews hate us as well?"
I was greatly agitated after reading the letter, deeply pained that anyone -- not to
mention a "Jewish leader" -- could so outrageously slander other Jews and bring such
needless anguish to an innocent young Jewish soul. I simply couldn't concentrate, and so I
picked up the phone and dialed information for the girl's New Jersey town.
There would probably be many listings for her last name, I told myself, too many to sift
through.
There was only one; I wrote it down.
Taking a deep breath, I dialed the number and asked for Michelle ( pseudonym). She came to the
phone and, after apologizing profusely for calling her out of the blue and promising that I
would not call her again unless she asked me to, I spoke my piece:
"G-d forbid! Orthodox Jews don't hate you! We may have serious disagreements with
the philosophy of the movement with which your family is affiliated. As you get older and
learn more, you will be able to evaluate those concerns for yourself. But you and your
family are precious Jewish brothers and sisters to us!"
A pause, and then she responded.
"You sound like a nice person," she said, "but I'm sorry. I can't accept the truth of
what you're saying."
I was stunned. "But why not?" I asked.
"But what you've been taught simply isn't true!"
"That might be so, but we've spent many classes in my Temple school discussing the
Orthodox attitude and I can't just suddenly take your word against all that I've been taught
by my teachers."
I was dumbfounded and deeply hurt, but realized that there was nothing to gain by
pestering the clearly intelligent and honest but resolute young woman. I begged her to take
down my number in case she ever wanted to talk further but promised not to call her again.
Though the memory of our conversation remains a deeply painful one, I have kept my word.
As I gazed at the bottle of wine on my desk, though, and endured the odd looks cast by
those who passed by my open door, I offered a silent prayer.
Even if we Jews continue, tragically, to grow apart, I prayed, even if we insist on
following divergent paths into what we dare to trust will be the Jewish future, may we all
endeavor to emulate Mr. Blue --- disagreeing if we must, even vehemently if it's warranted.
And reject, emphatically, resolutely and entirely, the path chosen by Michelle's
Message In A Bottle
All of us smiled, and I put my slightly late Purim gift on my desk, where it stayed for
most of the day, a reminder of one Jew's gesture of good will toward another --- and a spur to
thought.
"Because I've been taught otherwise. For years."
teachers.
Rabbi Avi Shafran is Director of Public Affairs for Agudath Israel of America,
the largest grass-roots Orthodox Jewish group in America.
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