Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Bing Crosby's White Christmas won a survey naming it America's all-time favorite Christmas song last week. However here in L.A., secular zealots are trying to get Andy Williams' Christmas recording of Do You Hear What I Hear banned from radio play. They say it's offensive to deaf people.

• Jussie Smollett awaits sentencing in Chicago for hiring Nigerians to pretend to beat him up on the street and telling him that this is MAGA Country. It's not as big a hoax as it sounds. Don't tell Jussie Smollett, but Biden's approval ratings are so low they indicate this is, indeed, MAGA Country.

• President Biden will go on television Today and address the abrupt spike in Covid infections due to Omicron variant. The president will do his best to coach us on how to survive a pandemic that won't go away. If I were the coach, I would send coffee to the bench and order alcohol to suit up.

• The New York Post reported opposition to mandates and huge support for Pfizer finishing up testing on the Covid treatment pill. I believe that Pfizer should test the Covid therapeutic treatment pills on Congress. If they survive, then the medicine is safe, and if they don't then the country is safe.

• The NFL altered its Covid policy Sunday to allow more players to stay on the active list amid the milder variants. You can play if you test positive but you aren't infectious or show symptoms. In the closest watched game of all, Alec Baldwin is still leading the Omicron Variant, one-to-nothing.

• Senate Democrats ripped Democratic Senator Joe Manchin of West Virginia for not voting for Biden's spending bill. The media blames pressure from Trump backers. To that point, Manchin goes back and forth to West Virginia weekly and he's never seen anybody wearing a Build Back Better hat. The Washington Post reported the pandemic hit Capitol Hill Sunday when Senator Elizabeth Warren tested positive for Covid even though she has been vaccinated three times. I guess she never should have accepted that blanket from Elon Musk. Today her Indian name is Running Scared.

• West Virginia Democratic Senator Joe Manchin announced he won't vote for the Build Back Better spending bill, prompting his fellow Democrats to deride him and call him a cracker. As a Southerner I'm deeply offended by the word cracker. The politically correct term is Saltine-American.

• Donald Trump sat onstage with Bill O'Reilly who interviewed him at a packed event in Dallas Sunday. During the show, Trump demanded China pay money reparations for the damage from the pandemic. China agreed and will deposit it in Hunter's account plus ten percent for the Big Guy.

• Donald Trump looked startled onstage in Dallas Sunday when his fiercely loyal crowd booed him when he revealed he'd gotten the vaccine plus the booster shot by the CDC. People forget Trump caught Covid during the 2020 presidential race. Even corona virus chose Trump over Biden.

• The Rolling Stones website hailed Keith Richards last week on his seventy-ninth birthday. It so happens that Sir Paul McCartney is also seventy-nine, Mick Jagger is seventy-eight, Bob Dylan is eighty and Willie Nelson is eighty-eight. It's pretty obvious that rap stars are using the wrong drugs.

• The Hollywood Reporter noted that It's a Wonderful Life starring Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed was just voted favorite Christmas movie in a recent survey taken in England and the U.S. It was set in Christmas in 1946. If the movie were set today, every time a bell rang, a variant would get its name.

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• Dr. Fauci made news again in an interview Sunday when he recommended that mask wearing become a permanent rule for airline passengers for the sake of safety. He says you not wearing a mask risks killing him. Well it's been two years now Dr. Fauci, how much longer is it going to take?

• Governor Gavin Newsom ordered Californians back on wearing masks inside public places to guard against Omicron variant. I know wearing a mask saved one man's life. The other night in Beverly Hills, an old friend of mine was with his girlfriend at a bar, and his wife didn't recognize him.

• Louisiana judge Michelle Odinet went on unpaid leave after her home security video recorded her saying the N-word after a burglar was caught. She knew immediately she'd screwed up. Her attempt to make her next six sentences rhyme to a four-four beat didn't pass muster with the community.

• The London Daily Mail published intelligence reports from Europe warning that the Russians are poised to unlawfully invade Ukraine. Russians see the situation differently. If you watch Jaws backwards, it's the heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled swimmers.

• The White House was opened to a TV tour of the holiday decorations Monday. Last night the CNN staff carolers were in the Rose Garden joyously singing their new holiday song. You better get vaxxed, you better mask up, you better test quick to see if you're sick . . .. Omicron is coming to town!

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