Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Bing Crosby's White Christmas won a survey naming it America's all-time favorite Christmas song last week. However here in L.A., secular zealots are trying to get Andy Williams' Christmas recording of Do You Hear What I Hear banned from radio play. They say it's offensive to deaf people.

• Jussie Smollett awaits sentencing in Chicago for hiring Nigerians to pretend to beat him up on the street and telling him that this is MAGA Country. It's not as big a hoax as it sounds. Don't tell Jussie Smollett, but Biden's approval ratings are so low they indicate this is, indeed, MAGA Country.

• President Biden will go on television Today and address the abrupt spike in Covid infections due to Omicron variant. The president will do his best to coach us on how to survive a pandemic that won't go away. If I were the coach, I would send coffee to the bench and order alcohol to suit up.

• The New York Post reported opposition to mandates and huge support for Pfizer finishing up testing on the Covid treatment pill. I believe that Pfizer should test the Covid therapeutic treatment pills on Congress. If they survive, then the medicine is safe, and if they don't then the country is safe.

• The NFL altered its Covid policy Sunday to allow more players to stay on the active list amid the milder variants. You can play if you test positive but you aren't infectious or show symptoms. In the closest watched game of all, Alec Baldwin is still leading the Omicron Variant, one-to-nothing.

• Senate Democrats ripped Democratic Senator Joe Manchin of West Virginia for not voting for Biden's spending bill. The media blames pressure from Trump backers. To that point, Manchin goes back and forth to West Virginia weekly and he's never seen anybody wearing a Build Back Better hat.

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Senator Elizabeth Warren got into a Twitter war with Elon Musk last week in which she cried foul over his low income tax liability. Let's think that through. The money Elon Musk didn't pay in taxes will put a man on Mars, and in the hands of NASA it'd buy six screwdrivers and a toilet seat.

• Time magazine Person of the Year Elon Musk stirred the imaginations of GOP conservatives by winning a Twitter war with Liz Warren last week. Democrats quickly pointed out Musk can't be elected U.S. president because he was born in Africa. Republicans reply that's never stopped us before.

• Kim Jung Un marked the tenth anniversary of his father Kim Jung Il's death by banning all laughter in North Korea for eleven days. That's a first. To help ensure no one laughs for eleven days, North Korean television will run the last five seasons of Saturday Night Live on a continuous loop.

• Billboard noted a curious lack of songs in pop, hip-hop or country music that have any mention of the pandemic. I wrote a catchy country covid swing tune but I can't get anyone in Nashville to sing it. It's called, Hey Girl, Your Last Name Must Be Pfizer, Because You Just Made My Heart Stop.”

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