As the light returns, it's time to make a list of what we've missed, and appreciated, in this dark year

And now the light comes back.

Last week, the winter solstice arrived. It's the moment we begin the slow climb out of the darkness, like weary miners exiting the pit. This year more than ever the shift feels psychological as well as astronomical, so today's a good day to take account of things we've missed during this dark time, along with what has provided some light in spite of it all.

In that spirit, I've made two lists. I encourage you to make your own.

Things I've Missed 1. The ability to plan
Before the pandemic, most of us made plans. For trips. Get-togethers. The future. Wise people have always known the precarious nature of the best-laid plans, etc., and people without money tend to know it. But until March many of us enjoyed the fiction that we could control the time ahead. Now we live in the wobblier world of the day-by-day, which is disorienting but closer to reality.

2. Chitchat
Remember the idle but vital conversation you used to have with people at the coffeehouse or at work or church? Until you're deprived of chitchat, you don't notice how much those seemingly small connections and conversations educate and sustain you.

3. Coffeehouses
Nothing like a chilly December day to make you yearn for that cozy place outside the house where you can think, read or chitchat.

4. Airplanes
In a movie scene the other night, I saw a man on an airplane and felt an unexpected jolt of nostalgia. Was I really nostalgic for the feel of pulling down the tray table? I was.

5. Travel
I miss the visits to friends and family. The possibility of exploring new and distant places. The change of view. The sense of movement.

6. Casual touch
Remember the hello hug, the goodbye hug, the it'll-be-OK hug? The friendly hand on an elbow? The firm handshake? How long before those seem OK again?

7. Live music and theater
One day this summer I stopped to listen to a band playing in a neighborhood park. I saw a couple of bystanders with tears in their eyes and felt the same way. Virtual performances are better than nothing, but they simply can't match the energy of live ones.

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8. Wearing dresses
I love a good, simple dress. But what's the point in a pandemic? 9. People I love
We talk, we email, we have dinner across the Zoom screen. That's better than nothing — "better than nothing" is a mantra for our times — but it's not the same. And yet, the separation has made me realize how much I love and depend on friends and family. Missing them makes me appreciate them more. Which leads to the second list.

Things I've Appreciated More
1. Health care workers. Grocery clerks. Delivery people. Postal carriers. Poll workers. Journalists who go out into the world seeking sense in the chaos. Those are just some of the people the pandemic has taught us to call "essential." They were essential before, but rarely recognized that way. Also, newspaper carriers. It's a good season to tip yours, by the way.

2. Small businesses, and the people who work in them Local shops and restaurants give life and flavor to our neighborhoods. As they struggle to stay alive in the pandemic, we realize their value more acutely.

3. Birds, bugs and trees
Nothing like being stuck at home to make you notice what lives around you. 4. Reliable Wi-Fi
As we've become more dependent on Wi-Fi, we've also learned how many people are deprived of it. Access to Wi-Fi is just one of the inequities the pandemic has exposed.

5. White vinegar
Staying home has turned many people into maniacal cleaners. I grew up washing windows with vinegar and newspapers, so the miraculous properties of white vinegar aren't a revelation. But the pandemic has expanded my repertoire. Cut the vinegar with dish soap and water to clean kitchen counters. Mix it with water to wash berries and keep them from spoiling. The opportunities are endless.

6. My neighbors
The pandemic has forced us outside — to eat, to exercise, to socialize — and, like many people, I've gotten to know my neighbors better as a result. 7. Good walking shoes
I recently wrote about the psychological benefits of walking through the pandemic. Many people replied with a question: What shoes do you wear? I hesitate to recommend shoes because feet are idiosyncratic. But for the past couple of years I've sworn by the On Cloud (aka On or OC) basic "Cloud" shoe, made for running and walking. (I saw a photo of Jill Biden in a pair the other day.)

8. Good novels about plagues
It's weirdly consoling to read about other plagues in distant times. Those stories put this plague into perspective. A few favorites: "Year of Wonders" by Geraldine Brooks. "Station Eleven" by Emily St. John Mandel. "The End of October" by Lawrence Wright. "Hamnet" by Maggie O'Farrell. "The Plague" by Albert Camus.

9. Being alive long enough to watch the light return.

(COMMENT, BELOW)

Previously:
• 11/23/20: How to enjoy Thanksgiving alone. How to help someone who's alone enjoy it
• 10/23/20: Voting in Kamala's shoes --- the power of a candidate's sneakers
• 09/30/20: Tis the (election) season. Don't despair, take deep breaths --- and did I mention don't despair?
• 09/15/20: Winter's coming. The secret doctors won't tell you about surviving it in a pandemic
• 09/04/20: It's September. Already. Again. This year many wish we could skip ahead as an election and cabin fever loom
• 08/19/20: Is 2020 the worst year ever?
• 08/14/20: Mailmen brave the storm, and not just the political one
• 05/05/20: Coronachondria, coronacravings and pandemania: A few words to describe our strange new times
• 04/14/20: If you get the coronavirus, would you, should you, make it public?
• 04/02/20: The pandemic, a professor and a duck named Honey: A story of life in a time of death
• 03/23/20: It's OK not to feel OK right now. But here's how to feel better
• 03/20/20: Befuddled and grieving: As nursing homes restrict visitors in the COVID-19 crisis, one woman fears she'll never see her mother again
• 02/04/20: Where do we find relief in a relentlessly jangling world?
• 12/13/19: Reject the comparisons. Embrace the complication. Be the brightness you want to see. Tips for happier holidays
• 01/21/19: Farewell, Mary Oliver, a poet whose name you may not know, but whose words you most certainly do
• 09/06/18: A breeze of hope blows in the Windy City
• 08/29/18: Another summer. Again, a gift
• 08/17/18: In search of family in a small-town graveyard
• 08/09/18: Courage, kindness two years after 12-year-old blackboy was shot in Chicago
• 07/26/18: An everyday encounter made brighter by a good question: 'Do you have a story for me?'
• 06/19/18: A Big Sister's Guide to Life: Don't chase men and other practical advice
• 06/12/18: For 13 years, 2 friends wrote letters daily. It was a love affair of poetry, separated only by death.
• 06/01/18: What would we do without our brothers?
• 05/17/18: Forget a fiddler. City woman awakens to find a goose on her roof --- and laws about removing it and her eggs
• 05/10/18: A high school senior with college dreams was paralyzed by gunfire. Two years later, he's still pushing forward
• 04/05/18: Remembering the youngest history makers
• 04/03/18: The Parable of the (Expletive Deleted) Comfort Dog
• 02/15/18: Fees, fines, loans, scams: How the poor get poorer
• 02/01/18: When Paul Simon, Daniel Day-Lewis and Elton John say 'farewell' to work they love, should we too?
• 01/25/18: At Oscars time, let's snub the snubbing
• 12/28/17: The real 2017 word of the year
• 12/20/17: The laundry-folding robots are coming
• 12/13/17: How not to waste the last days of 2017