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Jewish World Review Dec. 27, 2004 / 15 Teves, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | Speaker Denny Hastert promised that Congress will take up border security in January. The problem is spreading further and further north. At the current rate of illegal immigration, in ten years New Hampshire license plates could read Pick Crops or Die.

The Mars Rover sent back pictures of an extinct volcano Friday. It takes the rover ten hours to go a mile and there's no oxygen. The only difference between Mars and Los Angeles is that in Los Angeles the tires would have been stolen by now.

Virginia struck a deal with Thomas Jefferson's plantation Monticello Friday that will preserve one thousand acres to remain much as it was back in his day. Still, he wouldn't recognize the place. Everyone working on the property will be paid.

Robert Blake was embarrassed professionally by a prosecution witness during his murder trial Wednesday. The neighbor whose door he pounded on after his wife's death said he wasn't convincing in the role of horrified husband. It may have been the wrong time and place to perform his rendition of Dr. King's free-at-last speech.

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