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Jewish World Review Dec. 10, 2004 / 27 Kislev, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | The White House pressured Major League Baseball Wednesday to require steroid testing for all players. This would force them to take regular urine tests. Bud Selig did not know how right he was when he said this is the Golden Era of Baseball.

The baseball players union agreed to confront the use of steroids to bulk up players. One look at old videotape of baseball sluggers in the Seventies makes clear the difference between now and then. Cocaine was nothing if not slenderizing.

The New York Yankees considered releasing Jason Giambi on Tuesday for taking steroids. The side effects are embarrassing. Last year he made twelve million dollars playing baseball and a hundred fifty dollars winning wet tee-shirt contests.

Donald Trump negotiated a free wedding ring for his January wedding in return for a plug for the jeweler on his show. He's a lucky guy. Donald Trump wound up with a girl who married him for his money and his fame and not for who he really is.

Howard Dean urged Democrats Wednesday to campaign on their convictions. They've been copying Republicans. Democrats think they can win the Red States by proposing a constitutional amendment that defines adultery as a union between a man and a woman.

President Bush signed the $388 billion budget approved by Congress into law Wednesday. His staff was really asleep at the switch. Whose idea was it for the president to approve this much pork the same day he issues his Hanukkah greetings?

Afghan President Hamid Karzai urged tribal warlords in a speech Thursday to give up the heroin trade. However, business is just too good. The warlords were assembled in Kabul to bid for the catering contract for this year's Grammy Awards.

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