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Jewish World Review Dec. 23, 2003 / 28 Kislev, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Michael Jackson hosted a party at Neverland Ranch Saturday. He's always creating joy. When it was reported last week he had converted to Islam, the Archbishop of Boston called a press conference to announce that the church finally caught a break.

Los Angeles endured the one-hundredth day Sunday of the grocery store workers' strike, supported by the Teamsters. Blame it on the Republicans. This strike would have ended a long time ago if Rudy Giuliani hadn't convicted everyone who could settle it.

Virgin Atlantic delayed a flight to London Friday when a pilot was suspected of being drunk. The passengers got upset when he was hauled off the plane. They figured any pilot with alcohol on his breath isn't likely to be that devout a Muslim.

The U.S. Navy busted two boatloads of drugs in the Persian Gulf over the weekend. The cargo was marijuana, opium and hashish. It still isn't known whether it was an illegal drug shipment headed for New York or a prescription drug shipment en route to California.

Al Gore was embarrassed Friday when his son was arrested for marijuana possession in Maryland. It's his own fault. The former vice president forgets that anyone who prays three times a day like Joe Lieberman does is not somebody you want to tick off.

The National Archives building in Washington D.C. had an electrical fire Saturday night and boxes of files from the 19th century got soaked with water. There could be damage. Democrats believe the files may contain proof that Halliburton overcharged for Reconstruction.

The Louisiana Purchase had its two-hundredth birthday celebrated at Jackson Square in New Orleans Sunday. Some things never change. The treaty gave Napoleon Bonaparte fifteen million dollars for land we would have stolen anyway, but even back then the State Department couldn't pass up a chance to support a brutal dictator.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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