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Jewish World Review Dec. 16, 2003 / 21 Kislev, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Saddam Hussein was found hiding out on a farm near Tikrit Saturday. He had three-quarters of a million dollars in cash, a pistol, a supply of brand new clothes, and two machine guns. Paris Hilton did a better job of blending into a farming community.

Amnesty International demanded Sunday that Saddam Hussein receive POW status and regular visits from the Red Cross. He's a human being who's felt human suffering. Over the years, Saddam Hussein buried three wives, and two of them were just napping.

Saddam Hussein was shown on worldwide newscasts Sunday looking exhausted, and haggard, and pale and enfeebled. His beard was so filthy he had to be examined for lice. So much for the theory that running every day keeps you looking your best.

Saddam Hussein hid in a six-by-eight hole, ventilated with a fan and air shaft, and walled in by bricks. Don't feel sorry for him. The same size holes sell in Manhattan for six million dollars, if you can pass the interview with the co-op board.

Wesley Clark said Sunday Saddam Hussein ought to be tried by the War Crimes Tribunal in Europe. However, capital punishment isn't allowed there. Europeans don't give mass murderers the death penalty, they give them Poland and Czechoslovakia.

Democrats were thrown off-stride Sunday when Saddam Hussein was nabbed. Their election strategy is narrowing. The economy is rebounding and Saddam Hussein is in handcuffs, but Democrats believe they can win just on their promise of a tax increase.

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