Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

President Biden was thrown a lively seventy-ninth birthday party at the White House last night which was attended by his family members, his lifetime friends and his close White House staffers. They all agreed that the birthday party was a riot. As a result, the cake is on fire and the clown is dead.

• The White House asked Saudi Arabia to increase its oil production to help ease pump prices in the U.S. Here on the West Coast, gas stations are now charging six dollars a gallon. The good news is, with the high price of gasoline, Molotov Cocktails will be much harder to afford for Wisconsin rioters.

• Kenosha police braced themselves for rioting Thursday in case of a not guilty verdict. No one wants violence. Instead of using pepper spray, couldn't the police cars simply play Adele songs over their loud speakers, and the rioters will collapse in tears recalling all that's gone wrong in their lives?

• The White House staff met to discuss different ways for President Biden deal with any rioting in Kenosha after a Rittenhouse verdict. After several riots in the last eight years, both President Obama and President Trump asked America to observe a moment of silence. They were trying to putt.

• President Biden met with Mexico's President Obredor and Canada's Prime Minister Trudeau at the White House on Thursday. We have Fentanyl pouring into the country from Mexico and we have oil pouring into the country from Canada. Democrats want to stop the oil before it kills us all.

• The White House called criticism of Kamala Harris sexist and racist Thursday. Wait a minute, as San Francisco DA she locked up more black men than Lincoln freed, and her great-grandfather owned more slaves than mine did. She could be the only woman of color to rate a Confederate statue in Richmond.

• The Wall Street Journal reported that consumer groups are starting to gripe over huge profits made by the drug companies that make the Covid vaccines. Johnson and Johnson announced last Friday it'll split into two companies. One will be called Johnson and the other will be called Johnson.

• Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot took a stand against Washington interference in putting down the Windy City's latest shooting sprees on the South Side. The mayor said they do not need federal agents to come in and terrorize Chicago. Chicago can terrorize itself perfectly fine without federal aid.

• Alec Baldwin was sued for negligence after he accidentally shot and killed a crew member on his movie. It's too bad Alec doesn't have the late, legendary defense attorney Johnnie Cochran to defend him over the killing. Johnnie Cochran was so good he even had O.J. convinced he didn't do it.

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• Fox Business News interviewed supermarket CEOs who predicted the price of groceries would continue to go up and blamed poor service on item shortages, worker shortages and supply chain delays. Shoppers are at their wit's end. Grocery store prices are so high it's now cheaper to eat money.

• Los Angeles Airport incoming automobile traffic was backed up by a wreck from a high-speed police car chase on Century Boulevard on Wednesday. A four-door sedan laid completely flipped over on its back in front of a Mobil station. The car had fainted after seeing the high price of gasoline.

• CNN interviewed Green Party pundits who welcome the sky-high gas prices as an incentive to wean Americans off fossil fuel. However it's demoralizing and people are getting hit hardest in the Midwest. Kyle Rittenhouse had to shoot himself Thursday to keep from burning down the gas station.

• The Kyle Rittenhouse case went to the jury Tuesday and loud and angry BLM protestors could be heard chanting outside during the closing arguments. The jurors were very worried about their safety in the courthouse. Perhaps they could get Kyle to stand guard outside while they decide his fate.

• Monica Lewinsky told her side of the story in FX's series Impeachment: An American Crime Story about the Bill Clinton sex scandal, and how resilience helped her to survive the scrutiny. It's funny how things have come back Monica's way. Food prices are so high that oral sex is finally back.

• The Pentogon was livid at the sight of Taliban mountain tribesmen staging a military parade in Kabul aboard abandoned U.S. army vehicles. At the same time, you can go on Amazon and order a new book from Afghanistan called One Hundred Ways to Do Lamb. There are even a few recipes in it.

• President Biden visited an electric auto plant in Detroit Wednesday and told workers about the green benefits of his Infrastructure Bill. If Joe wants to perform to friendly crowds he should speak in central Pennsylvania. The Amish are the only people who aren't upset by the high price of gasoline.

• The Boston Globe reports a big increase in attendance at Boston school board meetings where parents demand teacher accountability. It so happens a ninety-five year old man in Massachusetts finally earned his high school diploma Friday. Sadly, his teachers felt he was too old to have sex with.

• Veloce Motors of La Jolla is now offering beautifully restored Buick Skylarks for one hundred grand, looking brand news. It's said Mick Jagger drove a '69 Buick Skylark when he passed his California driver's license test. Coincidentally I got my first white-tailed deer with a '69 Buick Skylark.

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