Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Los Angeles was rated the most narcissistic and self-centered city in America in a survey cited by Psychology Today, which simply can't be true. If there's anybody out there who's alone and has no family with whom you can spend Thanksgiving, please let me know. I need to borrow some chairs.

• U.S. News and World Report hired a panel of health experts to rank the top diets and they rank the Mediterranean Diet as the best, but also scoring well was the Dash Diet, Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig. This past week, I finally found a diet plan that really works. It's called the Price of Food.

• The New York Mercantile Exchange reported oil prices stabilized at eighty-two dollars a barrel Monday, as investors considered possible falling demand. Not out here. Gasoline is so expensive in Los Angeles that guys in Beverly Hills are hiring hookers to siphon the gas out of other people's cars.

• President Biden signed the Infrastructure Bill Monday, giving Democrats a boost at the polls. I just got a year off work, twelve hundred dollar checks, rent relief, plus nine hundred-sixty-seven dollars each week unemployment, so I know who I'm voting for in 2024. Corona Virus for President!

• The White House reports President Biden will hit the road this week to sell the benefits of the just-signed the $1.2 trillion Infrastructure Bill. If I were Biden I would figure the friendliest crowds would be in central Pennsylvania. The Amish are the only Americans not upset about high gas prices.

• President Biden was targeted by more vulgar stadium chants during televised college football games across the country Saturday. They've become too loud for the administration to ignore. President Biden just offered Pfizer a hundred billion dollars to come up with a vaccine for Tourette's.

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• The Los Angeles Times reported the cost of building new homes due to the materials shortage is causing existing homes to be snatched up the day they go on the market. It's crazy. The price of lumber has gone up so much that the feds just confiscated a load of 2 x 4's buried in kilos of cocaine.

• Facebook was sued by Ohio's attorney general on behalf of Ohio's pension fund for allegedly misleading investors about the possibly harmful effects its apps can have on children. I think we should be grateful for Facebook. The way gas prices are headed, we might never see each other again.

• Austria announced every Austrian who goes outside must be able to show vaccination cards to the police to prove they've been Covid vaccinated. It's just like old times. Elsewhere in Austria, families are feverishly training their children to become musical groups as a possible means of escape.

• Planet Fitness CEO Chris Fandeau gave an interview on the fitness center industry to CNBC last week and said that gym memberships are finally back up to their pre-pandemic levels. People have many places to go to slim down. Twitter is the place where people go to shed unwanted IQ points.

• The War on Drugs swung back into action as the U.S. government posted a five-million-dollar reward for the capture of the leaders of the Mexican drug cartel. It seems a bit hypocritical. The difference between the cartel and the U.S. government is, the cartel doesn't force you to take their drug.

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