Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

The Betty Ford Center is celebrating its thirty-eight anniversary at its annual alumni banquet in Rancho Mirage this week. It was thirty-five years ago today that I got clean and sober there, but I'll be okay. The doctors at Betty Ford's examined me and told me I have fifty years worth of residue.

• Colin Kaepernick released a documentary on Netflix called Colin in Black and White. In it the former NFL quarterback-turned-activist compared the NFL Draft to a slave auction. I must have missed the episode of Roots where Kunta Kinte gets a diamond-encrusted tooth and a shark aquarium.

• The Los Angeles Business Journal reports that the demand for condos is sending home prices sky-high in L.A. The residential meetings can get very hostile. A group of birds is called a flock, a bunch of cattle are called a herd, and a gathering of Karens is called a Homeowners Association.

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• American Crime Story: The Impeachment about Bill Clinton's affair with Monica on FX drew only half a million viewers. The same series about the O.J. trial drew four million viewers. The difference was with O.J. the slow white Bronco was an escape vehicle, with Bill it was a sexual position.

• President Biden addressed reporters at the Climate Change Conference in Glasgow Monday and dismissed concerns about his poll numbers. Just that morning, Biden was told that his poll numbers are historically underwater. Joe said he needed no more proof that global warming is real.

• President Biden fell asleep sitting at the convention during speeches at the Climate Summit in Glasgow on Monday. I thought going to sleep rather than having to listen to these speeches was the wise move, it was that or suicide. Joe woke up when the delegates began chanting Wake Up Brandon!

• Southwest Airlines refuses to fire a pilot who ended his in-flight information to passengers by saying Let's Go Brandon. A CNN analyst called it a racist chant and likened users of the phrase to ISIS terrorists. ISIS responded by pulling out of the U.S., saying they simply can't compete at this level.

• Homeland Security is gearing up to protect the nation during the busy and dangerous holiday season. Intel reports indicate that ISIS plans to attack America at shopping malls this Christmas. They plan to offer Xboxes for $99, then watch Americans trample each other to death trying to get one.

• Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby apologized for likening leaders who ignore warnings about climate change to those who ignored warnings about the Nazis. Lately the term has lost its horribleness. To people under the age of thirty a Nazi is anyone who disagrees with you on Facebook.

• American Heritage polled historians who say America is more divided now than at any time since the Civil War. It just never ends. White House press secretary Jen Psaki announced Sunday tests revealed she has Covid, prompting Fox News to send her a nice card urging her to stay positive.

• The NIH admitted last week it donated research money to help fund the Wuhan Lab in China where Covid was hatched. That contradicts Fauci's assurances to the Senate. Dr. Fauci got the Halloween scare of his life on Sunday when a kid rang his doorbell dressed like a Polygraph machine.

• Alec Baldwin did an outdoor press conference Sunday and answered questions the sheriff told him not to answer about shooting his crew members. The incident is certain to spark changes in film productions. Soon there'll be a five-day waiting period before a producer can hire Alec Baldwin.

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