Tuesday

November 21st, 2017

Satire

Further additions to Tiffany's Everyday Objects line

Alexandra Petri

By Alexandra Petri The Washington Post

Published Nov. 10, 2017

Zuckerberg

Fancy jewelry purveyor Tiffany has come out with a line of whimsical Everyday Objects, including such objects as a "tin can" ($1,000, sterling silver and vermeil), paper cup (in sterling silver), ball of yarn ($9,000; it is a paperweight), yo-yo and pillbox.

Is it possible to make fun of a collection that even Marie Antoinette might think was tone-deaf to purchase? I am not sure. Maybe, from a luxury brand perspective, the best satire is just to be yourself. This is the only tin can some Tiffany's customers have ever seen. I hope they will consider the following additions.

Cracked cell phone. Constructed of walnut and Amazonite. ($1,000)

Cockroach. Sterling silver, with realistic movement and rechargeable batteries. ($800)

Utility bill. Printed on hand-made artisanal paper. Overdue. ($250)

Bic pen. ($95)


Bus Seat. Life-size, mounted and embossed. Scented. Walnut and sterling silver ($85,000.)

Subway Pole. A pole touched by no hands - but yours. Amazonite. ($95,000)

Pill Bottle Filled With Someone Else's Costly, Lifesaving Medication, Sealed And Coated In Silver. Fun touch for a guest-room or surprise for a medicine cabinet. Ecru or gold. ($9,500, for white gold add $500)

Medical bill of someone without health insurance. Custom-made, add any name you want. Great birthday surprise. ($600)

Sound landscape. Treat yourself with this recording of a loud disagreement and sensual rapprochement happening in the apartment next door, performed by two Tony winners, with the accompaniment of a dripping faucet and dog barking somewhere in the distance. One hour. ($3,000)

Eviction notice. Calligraphed on card-stock. A whimsical touch for any apartment. ($500)

McDonald's wrapper. Hand-crumpled, then frosted with silver. ($100)

Takeout container. Sterling silver. ($350)*

*Never mind. This was on the list already. I give up.



Previously:


09/18/17 Some reviews of the first line of the first chapter of Hillary's 'What Happened'
08/22/17 Great American Eclipse: Winners and Losers
08/15/17 I am sorry for killing everything: A millennial's confession
08/07/17 I am not running for president; I just want to meet every cow and Iowan
01/31/17 All the Mooch that's fit to print
04/16/17 Sean Spicer would like to clarify his clarification of his clarification
03/06/17 The world's most forgettable man
12/14/16 Beyond Pizzagate: These are the real conspiracies
08/29/16 A transcript of Hillary's disastrous debate prep
08/15/16 Hillary Clinton's late-night panic
08/01/16 What Hillary really meant to say on her historic night
07/18/16 Pokemon Go, an honest review
06/27/16 Keep calm and --- what the heck just happened?
06/09/16 Hillary Clinton's victory speech, translated
06/01/16 Why isn't Hillary fun and trustworthy?
05/22/16 Games people rig, by Bernie Sanders
05/16/16: What really happened at the Trump-Ryan meeting
03/28/16: I, Cthulhu, endorse Donald Trump
03/21/16: Yes, I love puns. Stop saying it's a disease
03/14/16: Donald Trump's Gettysburg Infomercial
03/11/16: The Miami debate was Hillary's personal nightmare
03/03/16: Chris Christie's wordless screaming
02/29/16: But seriously, how do we turn this Donald Trump thing off?
02/19/16: Donald Trump for pope
02/15/16: What really happens at a Dem debate
02/01/16: Barbie is past saving
01/25/16: For the love of all that is holy, save small talk
01/20/16: Sean Penn meets the Almighty
01/05/16: 'Said' is not dead. Save boring words!

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