Jewish World Review Nov. 29, 2004 / 16 Kislev, 5765
important news ....
The Supreme Court today hears arguments on whether federal
or California law applies in prosecution of medical marijuana
patients. It's made for strange bedfellows in court. Hollywood
hasn't argued for states' rights since Gone With the Wind came out.
Princess Diana is featured on NBC tonight in a new tape in
which she accuses the Royals of bumping off a Buckingham Palace
guard whom she described as her favorite lover. The ratings should
be great. Everybody loves a Desperate Housewife.
Mexico announced a huge oil strike Wednesday that could help
stabilize the country's job situation. Their labor pool is highly
adaptable. After six episodes of Desperate Housewives, every
gardener in Beverly Hills has either been fired or promoted to
The Bill Clinton School for Public Service staff complained
about the library opening in Little Rock. They say they didn't get
enough attention. The staff hasn't been operating two weeks and
already they've captured Bill Clinton's essence.
Iraqi officials asked for a delay in the January election
Friday due to the violence. Machine guns cost six dollars on the
street there. Iraqis are the only people in the world who emigrate
to Detroit for the relative calm of a Pistons game.
New Zealand reported Monday receiving a large number of
inquiries from Californians who want to move there since the
election. It's a good fit. They play football without helmets in
New Zealand so Californians should be able to walk among them unnoticed.
Dan Rather said Tuesday he will step down as CBS Evening
News anchorman. His moral values just aren't a good fit for the
country. According to the network focus group testing, the man who
should be sitting in that chair is Howard Stern.
Pizza Hut successfully fought off an attempt Wednesday to
unionize all pizza delivery drivers. Working conditions differ.
Domino's in Siberia promises if your pizza isn't delivered to your
front door in thirty minutes, they will shoot the dog.
Sen. Fritz Hollings retired Thursday and complained that
there are no more drunks left in the U.S. Senate. It used to be a
fun place. Teddy Kennedy once visited the Leaning Tower of Pisa
and said he didn't see anything unusual about it.
Hillary Clinton last week refused to let her husband do
commercials for baby aspirin despite a five million dollar offer.
Since when is she in charge? Normally Bill Clinton is able to keep
his wife in line, even when the line snakes around the block.
Los Angeles was proposed as the next convention site by
Democrats Tuesday. The town can be dark and confusing. When
holiday shopping began Friday, thousands of kids were lined up
inside the malls waiting for their chance to sit on Satan's lap.
Ukraine erupted in chaos Wednesday after Russia's candidate
for president cheated to beat the U.S.-backed candidate. A nuclear
superpower showdown could result. Osama bin Laden is boasting to
everyone in the cave that if you live right, good things come your way.
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