Jewish World Review Nov. 16, 2004 / 3 Kislev, 5765
important news ....
The NFL Players Union said Saturday it will demand sixty-
five percent of all team revenues next contract. The owners are
outraged. No one can tell if Jerry Jones's nose is out of joint or
if he went to Wal-Mart for his plastic surgery again.
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, it was announced Sunday, will be
made into a Broadway musical comedy. It's about a sophisticated
con man who fleeces rich widows and heiresses. It was a hit movie
twice before it was made into a presidential candidate.
Arnold Schwarzenegger said Sunday he would run for president
if a constitutional amendment is passed allowing foreign-born
people to run. It would be an entertaining presidency. As a German
and a womanizer, he is a double threat when it comes to naked aggression.
The Bill Clinton Presidential Library will hold its grand
opening in Little Rock on Thursday. It's on the Arkansas River. If
tourists want to call ahead for street directions, the library is
listed in the telephone book under Escort Services.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said Friday the Democrats
must save civilization. It's an old culture war. It began four
hundred years ago when Puritans fought the Cavaliers, and it
shifted into high gear ten years ago after California freed O.J.
for murder and Texas tried to throw Oprah Winfrey in jail for
insulting a hamburger.
French drug maker Aventis introduced a pill Sunday that
prevents obesity. They say obesity is a disease. It's believed to
be transmitted from animals because millions of Americans have
caught obesity from fried chicken stored in giant buckets.
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