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Jewish World Review Nov. 8, 2004 / 25 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The Mars Rover sent back stunning photos Tuesday indicating the past presence of water. The pictures show tiny splotches of blue on the Red Planet. The other theory is that the satellite dish on the rover accidentally picked up CNN's election coverage.


Hillary Clinton wouldn't say Friday when asked if she will run for president in four years. She was too busy to go into detail. When reporters caught up with her she was halfway between a Bible class and her appointment at the shooting range.


Hollywood was demoralized by the Democratic defeat on Tuesday. There is just no bridging this cultural divide. Hollywood views Bush supporters as a bunch of shirtless, tobacco-chewing, beer-guzzling, Scotch-Irish brawlers, and their husbands.


Colin Powell was rumored Saturday to be leaving as Secretary of State. Don't bet on it. He's been opposed to the president's policies from the start, but just the thought of flying commercial is enough to make him back the next invasion.


Washington D.C. game officials report that coyotes were spotted last week only five miles from the White House. Wildlife can be a problem in that neighborhood. A wolf once made it through the fence and not even impeachment could get rid of him.


The California First Amendment Coalition asked Arnold Schwarzenegger to turn over his appointment calendars and meeting logs. The public has a right to know who the governor is seeing. If he's been cheating on us, we should get jewelry.


Yasser Arafat was reported near death in a Paris hospital this week. Now it's about to get interesting. When Arafat's rivals got to the hospital they wept like Hillary Clinton did Wednesday when she heard that John Kerry couldn't be saved.


Howard Dean wasted no time after the election and appeared Thursday in radio and television ads for Yahoo. He's still looking for the right catch phrase. Yee-hah didn't work out so well for him, maybe Yahoo will bring him better luck.


Iran marked the twenty-fifth anniversary of its Islamic revolution Thursday. The radicals burned U.S. flags and seized the U.S. Embassy and took Americans hostage. Today it is difficult to describe the degree to which some people hated disco music.


The Democratic Party buckled after losing the presidential race Tuesday. The party lost House seats and lost Senate seats. The good news is, with a record like that, Terry McAuliffe will never have to pay for another hotel room in Las Vegas.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2004, Argus Hamilton