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Jewish World Review Nov. 1, 2004 / 17 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | The October Surprise arrived in a video Friday with Osama bin Laden taunting President Bush for reading My Pet Goat during the September 11th attacks. My Pet Goat is well-known among tribesmen in the Afghan mountains. They call it Love Story.

Osama bin Laden surfaced in a new videotape Friday. He promises any follower who kills an American will be greeted in paradise by seventy-two virgins. One day in the distant future, the virgin waiting for Osama bin Laden will be Janet Reno.

The Dallas Cowboys will ask voters in Arlington Tuesday for a sales tax hike to build a new stadium. The team rookies went door-to-door in the wealthy suburbs to seek votes. Sometimes the episodes of Desperate Housewives just write themselves.

The Gallup Poll said Friday the presidential race is too close to call. This could take awhile. Tomorrow, Americans must decide if they want to spend the next four years watching recounts with Judy Woodruff or Chris Matthews or Brit Hume.

Bill Clinton was dispatched by the Democrats to Las Vegas on Friday as polls showed that Nevada was within grasp. The city owes him big time. He gave Las Vegas the slogan, What Happens Here, Stays Here, after it utterly failed in the Oval Office.

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