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Jewish World Review Nov. 20, 2003 /25 Mar-Cheshvan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | The New Hampshire primary filing deadline arrives tomorrow, then everyone will know the candidates. The polls are even. One third want Howard Dean, one third want George Bush, and one third want Queen Elizabeth to forgive us and take us back.

John Kerry took out a huge loan against the property he owns with his Heinz heiress wife. She knew when she married a handsome younger man she would end up subsidizing his little hobbies. She's just grateful he didn't want to be a rap star.

The AARP launched an ad blitz Tuesday to back the GOP Medicare drug plan. It has a $420 annual premium, a $275 deductible, a 25 percent co-pay, and a $2,200 cap. It's like one of those hospital gowns that tie in the back, you only think you're covered.

Ted Kennedy demanded passage of a bill Monday to ban plastic guns that could slip through airport metal detectors. He didn't think this through. If scanners were able to detect plastic, Los Angeles women would be forced to drive to Las Vegas.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was sworn in as California governor Monday. It's historic. Between Arnold's womanizing, Rush Limbaugh's drug use, Bill Bennett's gambling, and Bush's drinking, for the first time ever it's cool to be a Republican.

The Reagans will air November 30th instead of in March as originally scheduled by Showtime. It's no secret why. They moved up the air date to the Sunday after Thanksgiving when they realized that a leftover turkey would not hold until March.

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