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Jewish World Review Nov. 10, 2003 /15 Mar-Cheshvan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | California Attorney General Bill Lockyer told Arnold Schwarzenegger Thursday that the groping allegations won't go away. The governor-elect has restored the faith of a whole lot of skeptics. Comedians now believe there is Life after Clinton.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is preparing to take office in Sacramento next week. He has admitted to smoking pot, engaging in casual sex and driving a gas guzzler. No one ever thought there would be a Republican that Californians could call their own.

Martha Stewart discussed her upcoming trial for insider trading with Barbara Walters. Her arrest came on the heels of Enron, Tyco and WorldCom indictments. There are now more arrests reported in the business section than in the sports pages.

The Wisconsin legislature passed a bill Thursday defining marriage as a contract between a man and a woman. It was wildly applauded by conservatives. In response, Hollywood held a casting call for a new miniseries called The Liberaces.

The Matrix Revolutions with Keanu Reeves debuted Wednesday in movie theaters across the nation. In the movie, the hero must enter a warped world where common sense and natural law do not apply. It's a remake of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.

The White House announced Friday that gasoline prices at the pump fell for the sixth consecutive week across the nation. There remain pockets of gouging. Motorists in Beverly Hills are still paying two dollars a gallon for Self-Centered.

Bill Clinton told diamond manufacturers in Belgium that warlords are trading diamonds to further their bloody aims in Congo. It works both ways. Diamonds can be purchased either to finance wars in Africa or to end them at Kobe Bryant's house.

Afghanistan's Supreme Court condemned a young woman for competing in a beauty pageant as Miss Afghanistan. She's not afraid to defy her country and her culture. We're living in a time when women are willing to risk it all to be Mrs. Donald Trump.

President Bush signed a bill into law Wednesday outlawing late-term abortions in America. The applause at the ceremony was deafening. He's now such a hero to conservatives that James Brolin and Judy Davis have just agreed to play The Bushes.

Congress blasted the CIA Wednesday for not hiring enough minorities. We must remember what really matters. America is forsaking its promise unless we have people of all races working together to miss every sign of the next terrorist attack.

Howard Dean got the prized endorsement on Wednesday of the Service Employees International Union. It's amazing how it pays off every time you play hard to get. The moment he started flirting with the Confederacy, he got full Union support.

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