3 a.m. Tweets From History

—@Mummified_Tut: Crooked Cleopatra is an eating machine. Check out before-and-after hieroglyphics. #MissPiggy

@Mummified_Tut: Crooked Cleopatra is a disaster. Her needle is 1,000 times too big to use. BAD JUDGMENT!

@Mummified_Tut: Crooked Cleopatra didn't just make a DEAL with ISIS. She made a TEMPLE for ISIS. She has lost ALL credibility.

@Mummified_Tut: OpatraCare "choice" a total LIE. You don't get to pick your healer. If you get bitten by an asp, you die. #Crazy!

@Mummified_Tut: Crooked Cleo's husband slept with his grape-peeling girl. He is the WORST abuser of women in ancient history!

@Mummified_Tut: Crooked Cleo says she'll help the slaves. Who built your palace, lady?

@Mummified_Tut: Bird, bird, eye, throne, owl!

@Mummified_Tut: Crooked Cleopatra is 100 percent controlled by Rome. BAD LEADERSHIP

@Mummified_Tut: An extremely credible source has called my office and told me that Crooked Cleo was born in Mesopotamia.

—@Churchill_WWII: Horrible Hitler spent a fortune designing the swastika, and it turns out to be an old Hindu thing. #sad

@Churchill_WWII: Who thinks he's going to take over the world but can't even spell "furor" right?

@Churchill_WWII: Horrible Hitler's chances of winning are nil. He has no STRENGTH or STAMINA.

@Churchill_WWII: Horrible Hitler looks exhausted. Eva should dump him.

@Churchill_WWII: Hitler didn't WIN Poland; he STOLE it. Nobody likes him.

@Churchill_WWII: Who's been hitting the strudel at 3 a.m.? Battle of the Bulge starts at home, Hitty. #MrPiggy

@Churchill_WWII: Horrible Hitler spent billions of reichsmarks on posters against me. Of course, a billion reichsmarks isn't much.

@Churchill_WWII: HH a leader? More like a lederHOSEN. #UNQUALIFIED

@Churchill_WWII: Heil, heil, heil. That's not leadership; that's aerobics.

@Churchill_WWII: Ever notice HH never smiles? He is the WORST madman ever!

@Churchill_WWII: Horrible Hitler did an absolutely terrible job of invading Russia. It is a TOTAL DISASTER.

@Churchill_WWII: Hitler wasn't even born in Germany.

—@realEinstein: Madame Curie is a loose cannon in the lab. No one has WORSE JUDGMENT — except her poor husband.

@realEinstein: Maybe Kooky Madame Curie should spend a little less time with isotopes and a little more at the hairdresser.

@realEinstein: Be careful, Kooky Curie! Your fans are more excited about relativity than radioactivity!

@realEinstein: Just another dud lady scientist. #sad

@realEinstein: Kooky Curie is very weak on quantum theory, which is what the people want. Her career is dead.

@realEinstein: Kooky Curie hasn't created a single bomb in her whole life. Unless you count her hairstyle.

@realEinstein: She does not have the RIGHT TEMPERAMENT to revolutionize science.

@realEinstein: Kooky Curie is a failed scientist. That glow is her burning out.

@realEinstein: She lacks fission.

—@LEONARDOnDaHood: Michelangelo is a joke. He's in the pocket of the Medicis.

@LEONARDOnDaHood: What a lightweight. Mediocre Mikey has to make his sculptures big and naked to get attention. #PATHETIC

@LEONARDOnDaHood: I've seen paint-by-number pictures better than Mikey's latest Moses. He should go home and relax.

@LEONARDOnDaHood: If you've got a block of marble, keep it away from Mediocre Mikey, or he'll chisel it into a lawn ornament.

@LEONARDOnDaHood: Interesting how my commissions go up whenever Mikey unveils another painting.

@LEONARDOnDaHood: LIES! I never tried to get the Sistine job!

@LEONARDOnDaHood: He will never MAKE FIRENZE GREAT AGAIN!

@LEONARDOnDaHood: I wouldn't hire Mediocre Mikey to paint my garage.

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