Insiders love Hillary Clinton

So who won the Democratic debate between those old white people who want to be president?

The Democratic "insiders" say Hillary Clinton won by a landslide. I read all about it in Politico.com, a political website written by insiders, for insiders.

Outsiders were too busy watching the baseball playoffs on TV. But "insiders" play politics for a living. Being "insiders," they're shy, like dappled forest creatures, so they wouldn't let their names be used in praise of Mrs. Clinton, lest they be wrong someday.

These "insiders" live in the Washington government/political hive, and their one task is to protect the queen. If they're good bees, they get lots of honey.

"I'm a reluctant Clinton supporter, but I thought she killed it tonight," Politico quoted one of many "insiders" as saying. "She was in a league of her own. Prepared, confident, funny. And she genuinely seemed to be enjoying herself up there. ... For crying out loud ... she made a joke about women taking longer in the bathroom!"

Yes, she did. So why bother with an election? Just put her in the White House right now!

But don't dismiss the "insiders." They count for much in American politics. They helped rot out the Republican Party, and now they're running around Washington with their hair on fire, pretending that what's going on among Republicans in the House of Representatives is chaos, rather than a revolution.

And they'll do the same to the Democrats. Just give them time.

What upsets "insiders" is the revolutionary dynamic running through voters of both parties. Voters are angry. They know that "insiders" are the creatures who remain after institutions fail.

There were "insiders" at Constantinople when the Turks breached the walls, and they were in Rome, too, when the Visigoths marched through, clubs in hand. Some "insider" probably walked out of a public bathroom, amazed, saying, "Hey, wait! I'm an insi---"

History is always written by "insiders," and what's clear is that "insiders" think Hillary Clinton won the debate.

Wrong.

The hard-left Vermont socialist, Sen. Bernie Sanders, won the debate.

He seems to be an honorable man, though I disagree with his class-war politics and much of what he says. Unfortunately, he gave Clinton a pass on her email scandal, and the "insiders" loved him for it.

But he was witty and grown-up and wedded to principle, and he connected to young people the way Sen. Rand Paul, the Kentucky Republican, connects to young people, not by charisma or a pretty face but through ideas.

And I learned Sanders honeymooned in the Soviet Union. So I imagined him in Berlin, with President Ronald Reagan shouting on one side, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall," and Bernie on the other side, holding it up with both hands, saying, "Shhh. No! Shut up Reagan, Shhh! Please!"

He reached people on debate night, especially with his comments about Wall Street thieves walking away from the economic collapse with billions while we imprison young black men for selling a little blow.

Sanders could have stressed that Mrs. Clinton is a creature of Wall Street, but he didn't.

The thing about "insiders" is that in Washington, just as in your own state legislature, they're not really all that partisan. They tell their media biscuit eaters to stress "we need to get things done in government!" which is a long-winded way of saying "Me like honey."

Those who cleave to ideas and principle are considered rustics, or crazed, so candidates like Sanders or Paul are viewed with suspicion by "insiders." But a Paul vs. Sanders presidential debate is something I'd pay to see.

The "insiders" call such people "true believers," usually with a dismissive smirk, and then buzz back to the hive.

OK, OK, OK. This hive business is becoming quite cumbersome -- I really hate it now, but I'm too far in to just let it go -- so let's once again remind ourselves that the "insiders'" main job is to protect the queen.

American history tells us that the queen has always been a man, but Hillary aims to put things right.

Each time she was asked a tough question by Anderson Cooper of CNN, she responded by ignoring it and focusing instead on her gender.

Cooper: Secretary Clinton, Governor (Martin) O'Malley says the presidency is not a crown to be passed back and forth between two royal families. This year has been the year of the outsider in politics, just ask Bernie Sanders. Why should Democrats embrace an insider like yourself?

CLINTON: Well, I can't think of anything more of an outsider than electing the first woman president, but I'm not just running because I would be the first woman president ...

COOPER: Secretary Clinton, how would you not be a third term of President (Barack) Obama?

CLINTON: Well, I think that's pretty obvious. I think being the first woman president would be quite a change from the presidents we've had up until this point, including President Obama.

And so "insiders" declared her victorious.

Years ago, over veal chops at Gene & Georgetti, the famous Chicago steakhouse, the "insider" creed was explained to me.

"When they're in, we're in," said an "insider." "And when they're out, we're in. We're always in."

Hillary, they just love you.

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John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune who also hosts a radio show on WLS-AM.