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Jewish World Review Oct. 26, 2004 / 11 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | Ricky Williams sought to reenter the NFL Friday after he flunked a marijuana test. He got nailed on the verbal part. You would think that growing up in Texas he would know that the Super Bowl is something you play and not something you smoke.

Mary Kay LeTourneau revealed her plans on the Larry King show Saturday. She intends to marry her nineteen-year-old former sixth-grade student and settle down. She said she would like to have a couple of children, but she doesn't want to go back to prison.

Arnold Schwarzenegger bought the first hydrogen-powered SUV Friday. It's not known how safe they are. If you've ever seen a mushroom cloud after hydrogen is detonated you know Halle Berry has left the scene of the accident for the last time.

John Kerry told a Reno crowd Saturday that President Bush let Osama bin Laden get away. He said if he had been president it would've been different. If there's one thing we know about John Kerry it's that he never lets a multi-millionaire get away.

Congress agreed to turn over two thousand doses of flu vaccine to Washington D.C.'s inner-city poor. Wise move. They were going to keep the doses for themselves and their top aides but then they looked outside the window and remembered the Alamo.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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