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Jewish World Review Oct. 20, 2004 / 5 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Wall Street exhaled Monday after oil prices hit fifty-three dollars a barrel last week. The price at the pump is through the roof in Los Angeles. In Beverly Hills you can't even get into the Chevron Station unless your name is on the list.

The Episcopal Church suffered schism Monday as forty parishes in New England split from the national church. It's over last year's ordination controversy. The reason Episcopalians are lousy at chess is because we can't tell a bishop from a queen.

John Kerry repeated his plans Monday to raise taxes on the rich and spend the money on health care. It opens him up to charges of trying to incite class warfare. If Democrats had their choice, the America's Cup would start a mile above Niagara Falls.

Mohammed al-Zarqawi joined forces with Osama bin Laden Monday and merged his Iraq terrorist group al-Islam with al-Qaeda. This is great news. If the AOL Time Warner merger is any guide the new terror network will self-destruct in about a year.

Governor Jeb Bush announced Monday he won't run for president in four years. Reaction was predictable. Everyone enjoyed the same gentle and understanding laugh they have every time Prince William tells reporters he doesn't want to be king.

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