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Jewish World Review Oct. 18, 2004 / 3 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Sex and the City writers wrote a dating guide for women called He's Not That Into You. (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) It's for climbers. Nowadays a woman doesn't have to look at a man's bank statement to assess his wealth, she merely has to sneak a peek at his gas gauge.


Wall Street tumbled Friday as the price of crude oil hit a record fifty-four dollars a barrel on the spot market. There's a huge surge in demand. One hundred million Americans just decided to drive to Arizona for the winter to avoid the flu.


President Bush last week urged all Americans to save the flu vaccines for the very young and the very old. The shortage is a devastating experience. It's forced many people in Los Angeles to admit their real age to vaccine providers.


Martha Stewart told her fans Friday her prison camp is like an old-fashioned college campus. She's forced to shower every day with sixty other women. Public figures never mention Dick Cheney's daughter when it might actually be appropriate.


John Kerry told CNN Friday he doesn't mind that men must unbutton their pants at airport security and women must have their chests patted down. It's the price we have to pay. He saw this coming ten years ago and married a woman with her own private jet.


Chris Rock was named Thursday to emcee the Academy Awards this February. The Academy wants to be seen as hip and edgy and urban. This year the competition for Best Picture will be between Kobe Bryant's mug shot and Phil Spector's mug shot.


John Edwards accused the White House Thursday of lobbying for tax breaks for giant corporate interests such as Philip Morris, Seagrams and Eli Lilly. That's tobacco, alcohol and drugs. Who says Republicans aren't reaching out to young people?

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2004, Argus Hamilton