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Jewish World Review Oct. 15, 2004 / 30 Tishrei, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | The Bill Clinton Presidential Library was awarded a tax break by an Arkansas judge Tuesday. The library will open in six weeks. It joins the Will Rogers Museum and Johnny Carson's birthplace on the national register of shrines to beloved comedians.

The Transportation Security Agency got caught spending a half-million dollars on an employee awards banquet. They deserve an award. Thanks to these guys, it is actually faster to legalize gambling in California than to fly from L.A. to Vegas.

Germany's Foreign Minister Peter Struck said Monday his government may offer to send German troops into Iraq. However, the Germans were turned down for the same reason you don't let Robert Downey Junior go get the beer. It's still too soon.

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger enrolled himself in a state employee-required class on how to avoid committing sexual harassment at the workplace. He left the first day's training session with tears in his eyes. It must have been the mace.

Donald Trump got some humbling news Monday when NBC informed him his reality television show The Apprentice has slipped twenty percent in viewer ratings. He knows little and thinks he knows everything. It clearly points to a political career.

The Boston Red Sox were taunted mercilessly in Yankee Stadium by Yankee fans all week. Don't mess with this crowd. New Yorkers don't buy frozen Thanksgiving turkeys, they prefer to buy the bird live and then push it in front of a subway train.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2004, Argus Hamilton