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Jewish World Review Oct. 14, 2004 / 29 Tishrei, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | British comic Eddie Izzard packed the Comedy Store this week to kick off his American tour. His name on the marquee caused long lines down Sunset Boulevard. To guarantee a sellout every show, he had his name legally changed to Flu Shots Here.

The Nobel Prize in Physics was awarded to a Santa Barbara professor last Monday. Theories abound out here. Albert Einstein was the first to figure out if you live in California, relatives travel at the speed of light to visit you during the holidays.

John Gotti was back in the news Tuesday when the remains of his victims were found buried in New Jersey marshland. Victim identification was slow. No one was allowed near the bodies until IRS agents were finished going through their pockets.

U.S. Senator Mark Dayton of Minnesota closed his Capitol Hill office for three weeks Tuesday out of fear of a terrorist attack. His constituents are not going to like it. This is a state whose two favorite mascots are Jesse Ventura and a Viking.

House Speaker Denny Hastert got a tax break for fishing tackle box makers put into the spending bill. It's a values issue. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach him to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer for the rest of his life.

Family Circle announced that Laura Bush's cookie recipe beat Teresa Heinz's cookie recipe. We are a food-oriented nation. The reason Americans hold elections near the holidays is in order to make it easier to separate the turkeys from the fruitcakes.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2004, Argus Hamilton