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Jewish World Review Oct. 13, 2004 / 28 Tishrei, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | Tiger Woods phoned reporters Tuesday from his Caribbean honeymoon to promote the Tiger Woods Challenge in December. It's daunting. The challenge is to tell a Swedish supermodel you have to get up and get dressed and go hit a bucket of balls.

Donald Trump appeared on all the talk shows this week to promote his reality show on NBC. There is an increasingly pained expression on his face. Donald Trump's ego is so big that he has to rub Preparation H on it to reduce the swelling.

Bill Clinton was said Monday to be recovering quickly. The day after surgery he asked why his curtains were shut. It's because there was a fire across the street and the doctors didn't want him to wake up and think the operation had failed.

Ricky Williams applied to rejoin the Miami Dolphins Monday after he quit the struggling NFL team during training camp in July so that he might smoke pot and absorb reggae music. Where do you put this guy? The jails and the Congress are full.

John Kerry prepared in New Mexico Monday for tonight's debate. His stance on the war needs work. He says it's the wrong war at the wrong place at the wrong time, a colossal error, a grand diversion and we should have sent more troops there.

John Kerry told the New York Times Sunday his goal is to reduce terrorism to the level of nuisance, like prostitution and gambling and after-hours nightclubs. Is this a good idea? The next thing you know, Osama bin Laden will be legal in Nevada.

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