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Jewish World Review Oct. 12, 2004 / 27 Tishrei, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | The New York Yankees host the Boston Red Sox tonight as the American League championship series begins. An eighty-year hex may be at an end. Red Sox fans feel this is their year now that the Curse of the Babe has been passed on to Tiger Woods.

Baltimore Ravens runner Jamal Lewis agreed Friday to go to jail after the NFL season over a cocaine deal. He was really set up. The dealer took his cash and told him to fly up to Philadelphia where he would find the crack in the Liberty Bell.

Scott Peterson was reported in the tabloids Tuesday to have received tons of love letters while he's in jail during his murder trial. He's already picked out someone to be his next girlfriend. He likes her so much he's already planning his alibi.

Shaquille O'Neal is furious at Kobe Bryant after hearing an audiotape of Kobe telling cops that Shaq paid off rape accusers. Don't miss their first face-to-face meeting in December. The Lakers just had to hire a rodeo clown to come off the bench.

Bill Clinton let it be known Friday he would campaign for John Kerry for the stretch drive. Magic follows him everywhere. He's been confined to the suburbs for six weeks and already the number-one show on television is Desperate Housewives.

John Kerry campaigned on a stage in Florida Sunday and tried to be folksy like President Bush. The act needs a lot of work. Three times since the debates John Kerry has called for direct U.S. involvement in the dispute between Good Korea and Bad Korea.

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© 2004, Argus Hamilton