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Jewish World Review Oct. 13, 2003 / 17 Tishrei, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Master illusionist Roy Horn was mauled trying to discipline a tiger during the Siegfried and Roy show. The cat was purring at a big-haired brunette on the front row. The crowd laughed at first thinking Roy had trained the tiger to do Clinton impressions.

The Boston Red Sox reached the American League playoffs Wednesday. Their fans are ready to give up ancient superstitions. Bill Clinton and Arnold Schwarzenegger have proved beyond the shadow of a doubt there is no such thing as the Curse of the Babe.

The Chicago Cubs are in the National League playoffs and the Boston Red Sox are playing for the American League crown. The lovable losers of each league could meet in the World Series. Everyone said Ted Williams would freeze over before that happened.

Democrats held a presidential candidates debate in Phoenix with Judy Woodruff. It showed how spoiled the voters have gotten. Nobody praised Hitler, nobody groped Judy, and by the end of the debate, everybody was watching the Yankees game.

The Senate debated oil drilling in Alaska Tuesday for fear the nation is low on crude reserves. How silly. Anyone who thought the country was low on crude learned Thursday that Kobe Bryant makes Arnold Schwarzenegger look like Ashley Wilkes.

Kobe Bryant was accused in his preliminary hearing Thursday of raping his female accuser shortly after she entered his room. He is lucky he's being tried in Colorado. In California, he could face the death penalty for impersonating a casting director.

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