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Jewish World Review Oct. 7, 2003 / 11 Tishrei, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Arnold Schwarzenegger was accused Sunday of more misbehavior with women. His victims feel degraded. One woman said she walked by him in a bar ten years ago and heard him call her a nine and it just dawned on her that he was speaking German.

The Oakland Tribune withdrew its endorsement of Arnold Schwarzenegger Friday, saying his boorish behavior borders on sexual assault. It's another brilliant Arnold head-fake. By disregarding borders he's winning over Hispanic voters in droves.

Hillary Clinton will address a fundraising dinner in Iowa this November. All nine Democrats running for president will be there. If a bomb goes off in that ballroom, Al Gore will never be allowed on another airliner for as long as he lives.

Wesley Clark faced reports Friday he was fired for issuing a disobeyed order to attack the Russians in Kosovo. It's funny how things work out. If Wesley Clark had started World War III, the only thing left standing might be the World Trade Center.

Congress howled last week when it got an itemized list of the cost of rebuilding Iraq. It includes nine million dollars for instituting zip codes in Iraq. Isn't there enough violence in that country without adding postal workers to the mix?

Senator Hillary Clinton on Tuesday called for an Independent Counsel to look into possible wrongdoing in the White House. This is one for the books. Any day now expect Bill Clinton to tell Arnold Schwarzenegger that a cigar is not a toy.

Arnold Schwarzenegger apologized onstage Thursday for groping six California women over the years against their will. He's trying to break the habit. Every time he waves to the audience, the patch is clearly visible on the palm of his hand.

Wesley Clark said Tuesday the war in Iraq may have been criminal. He himself ordered an attack on the Russian Army in Kosovo but he was disobeyed and fired. Still, everyone agrees he looked quite dashing in his white jacket and butterfly net.

The Transportation Security Administration got its airline passenger profile system funded by Congress. It decides whether each passenger is a red, yellow or green risk. You had better not be in any hurry if you are Indian, Asian, or airsick.

Governor Gray Davis campaigned in California over the weekend trying to save his job. Everything's been tried to derail the election. He lost his last appeal Friday when the phone company told him there's no such thing as a Do Not Recall List.

Tom McClintock campaigned hard for California governor on Friday. There's an emerging consensus about this man. Tom McClintock has the most talent, the most experience, the most brains and the most years in government, so he must be stopped.

Tom McClintock vowed to streamline California's bureaucracy to save taxpayer dollars. It's a mess. The Director of the Department of Motor Vehicles tried to resign last week but found that for six hours he had been standing in the wrong line.

John Kerry said Friday the president elected next year may name six justices to the U.S. Supreme Court. He said it could mean the end of civil rights. This is the first sign that he's given up on New Hampshire and is pandering to South Carolina.

Howard Dean campaigned to college kids Saturday in Norman, Oklahoma. Norman is home of the Oklahoma Sooners and is an old Southern Democrat town. The crowd was really with him til he got to the part of his life story where he quit drinking.

Little Joe the gorilla escaped from the Boston Zoo Monday after a fight over female gorillas. The grouping in the wild is one male with many females but the zoo has them paired equally. Boston hasn't learned anything in a hundred fifty years of raising Kennedys.

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