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Jewish World Review Oct. 1, 2003 / 5 Tishrei, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | New Jersey enacted the first-ever law against driving while drowsy. It gives judges plenty of latitude. On Saturday three motorists were excused for snorting cocaine behind the wheel before Joe Lieberman could begin the weekly radio address.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is favored to be next governor of California. He could take office in just a week. The California recall transfers power so fast that Homeland Security just declared a red alert for everyone in the state named Romanov.

Wesley Clark admitted Monday he voted for Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan in past elections. He's not exactly steeped in Democratic Party folklore. Wesley Clark went to a Huey Long Dinner in Louisiana thinking he was honoring a helicopter.

Yasser Arafat complained Monday he's suffering from the flu and he demanded Israel let him see his physician. He caught some horribly contagious bug that has him sick as a dog. This is what happens when you use children as human shields.

The President's Council on Physical Fitness began its annual school exercise program to get kids in shape Monday. It's in its fortieth year. The council was the brainchild of President Kennedy, who really hated love handles on college girls.

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