Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

New York former Governor Andrew Cuomo complained about being crucified on social media for leaving his dog in the governor’s mansion. The real world has proved difficult for him. Last Friday Andrew Cuomo was punched in the elevator by a busty woman after she told him to Press One.

• The National Football League season got underway in earnest Sunday as new stars lit up the scoreboards before packed stadiums. As usual there was no joy in Dallas. It appears that the best possible draft for the Dallas Cowboys would’ve been if Jerry Jones had been drafted during Vietnam

• President Biden spoke in Long Beach Monday where he discussed what he called the looming emergency of climate change. It was a campaign trip. After the speech, Joe Biden took a helicopter flight over parts of California to get a good look at some of the damage caused by Governor Newsom.

• President Biden campaigned against the recall of Gavin Newsom Monday and he hailed their joint leadership during the Covid pandemic. That same day, eighteen gorillas at the Atlanta Zoo tested positive for Covid. Biden issued a mandate for all animals but sadly, only raccoons wear masks.

• Politico reported White House staffers turn off their office TV sets when Biden is addressing the cameras because they can’t stand to watch it when Biden screws up. It‘s awfully bad. If there were a vaccine that prevented you from hearing Biden speak, they couldn’t make enough of the stuff.

• The U.S. Women’s Tennis Open at Forest Hills was won by British teenager Emma Raducanu, who was born in Canada to a Romanian father and a Chinese mother. Now everyone wants to talk to her. Prince Andrew just phoned and asked for her advice on how to win on an American court.

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• Greta Thunburg warned the oceans are uninhabitable because of all the human-produced debris. Last weekend, my neighbor posted photos of him and his daughters posing proudly on the dock with their catch after they went Marlin fishing off the coast of Florida. They caught three bales of cocaine.

• Psychology Today released a study showing Americans are under more stress than ever. We’re under siege from all the news of political division, virus fear and racial tensions. An hour ago I unsubscribed to all news and right now I’m watching a documentary on serial killers in order to relax.

• The Wall Street Journal reported a new trend for men in politics, business and show business to get face lifts. President Biden obviously has had work done on his face and neck during his four years out of office and now he looks ten years younger. That is, ten years younger than Keith Richards.

• The Pentagon had to be cheered up after Afghanistan by the sight of the Army college football team running onto the field Saturday, when each player was carrying a U.S. flag. We all needed the boost. We just lost a war to a gang of renegades who believe that 9-11 is the perfect age range for your bride.

• The Hollywood Reporter says movie studios are under pressure from the LGBT community for greater representation onscreen. This is how it starts. Soon, movies on TCM like When Harry Met Sally will be preceded by a classification label that reads Warning: Historical Gender Representations.

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