Cory Booker becomes 'Spartacus' at Kavanaugh hearing, and forgets his old friend T-Bone

If only Sen. Cory Booker had insisted on having an "I am T-Bone moment" at the Senate confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh.

It would have truly been heroic, with supporters of the Democratic presidential hopeful from New Jersey shouting that they, too, were T-Bone, the name of Booker's imaginary drug dealer friend from the mean streets of Newark.

"I am T-Bone!"

"No, I am T-Bone!"

Sadly, Booker didn't want to play T-Bone on national TV.

So, he became Spartacus.

"This is about the closest I'll probably ever have in my life to an ‘I am Spartacus' moment," said Booker.

It was a dramatic moment, and Booker flushed with pride at the revolt he was leading against Republicans in the Senate, though it turned out to be more of a cheap publicity stunt.

Still, the Spartacus bit was epic. And an epic fail for Booker.

But what senator wouldn't want to be Spartacus?

For those of you who aren't fans of gladiator movies, Spartacus was a Thracian gladiator played by Kirk Douglas in a 1960s Hollywood extravaganza. He led a slave revolt against mighty ancient Rome. His best friend was Tony Curtis, a Greek slave from the Bronx, who told the evil Roman general Laurence Olivier that he was quite fond of snails.

Or was it oysters? I forget. I was a kid.

We watched it at the Double Drive-In on the South Side of Chicago when I was a little boy. Our dad was so tired after a 16-hour day cutting meat at the family store that he kicked off his shoes and fell asleep.

He ended up with his feet sticking out the driver's side window.

And he snored like a lion, snoring so loudly that my mom and my two little brothers and I couldn't hear the panicked whimpers of two wealthy Romans forced to fight to the death for the amusement of the lusty gladiators.

The terrified, trembling Romans — a fleshy old one and a pinched, skinny one — looked remarkably like Sens. Dick Durbin and Charles Schumer in torn, soiled togas.

They were talkers. Not fighters.

But the gladiators poked them with spears to make them fight. Spartacus saved them because he was a good revolutionary.

It's not every day that a politician with national pretensions becomes a leader of a gladiatorial revolt against the state. But that's what Booker did, squabbling theatrically with Republicans over supposedly confidential Kavanaugh documents.

I couldn't see the inside of Booker's mind through the TV screen, as I munched on a delicious Green Zebra tomato from my garden.

But one look at Booker's bright, shining eyes, and his rapidly changing facial expressions as he spoke of having his "Spartacus moment," and you could see what was on the screen inside his mind. Behold:

Booker at the 2020 Democratic National Convention, accepting the Democratic presidential nomination, with former President Barack Obama placing a laurel wreath upon his head, and thousands upon thousands of Democrats in the arena shouting.

"I am Spartacus! I am Spartacus!"

That's what the vanquished gladiators in "Spartacus" said when they lost the last desperate battle and wound up being crucified because they wouldn't give their leader up to Laurence Olivier.

My dad woke up during the mass crucifixion scene, ate a piece of fried chicken Mom had brought to the drive-in, then fell back asleep, his feet through the window.

He snored through the credits.

Booker's "Spartacus" bit involved defying the Republican-majority Senate's rules by releasing what he thought were damaging and confidential George W. Bush White House emails that would prove Kavanaugh's attitudes on racial profiling.

Warned he was breaking the rules, Booker released them anyway. It turned out the Kavanaugh emails had been cleared for release hours before. He wasn't defying anything. It was a stunt.

And Kavanaugh's views on racial profiling?

The emails showed Kavanaugh to be opposed to racial profiling of all kinds.

Conservative pundit Ben Shapiro tweeted that Booker should not be called Spartacus, but rather, "Fartacus."

I won't go there. But I have other complaints against Booker.

It may just be that Sen. Spartacus has committed other cultural sins as defined by the left.

For one, Booker is not remotely Thracian, yet becomes Spartacus at a public spectacle. And Booker is not Greek, yet has been photographed by the Associated Press giving a double Moutza — the Greek hand signal of contempt — at Senate witnesses during another hearing.

That's clear cultural appropriation, Sen. Spartacus. You should have gone full T-Bone.

T-Bone was a regular staple of Booker's speeches when he campaigned for mayor of Newark. T-Bone was a tough drug dealer. But according to Booker, the two developed mutual respect.

Some thought Booker, raised in a middle-class suburb, made up T-Bone to give himself street cred.

"I said hello to this guy and I'll never forget he leaped off the steps where he was standing and looked at me and threatened my life," Booker said during a 2007 speech, according to the Star-Ledger. "I later got to know this guy and his name was T-Bone and I'm a vegetarian so that was a particularly vicious threat."

He'd invoke T-Bone constantly. The tough T-Bone and the earnest Booker. Good times. Like a buddy movie.

Reporters fanned out to find T-Bone, but he just wasn't there. Booker finally stopped mentioning T-Bone. Opponents said Booker was a serial theatrical embellisher.

But how could they say such a terrible thing about a potential presidential candidate?

He's not a theatrical embellisher.

He's Spartacus.

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John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune who also hosts a radio show on WLS-AM.