Jewish World Review Sept. 27, 2004 / 12 Tishrei, 5765
important news ....
Lance Armstrong's five-million-dollar cash bonus for
capturing his sixth Tour de France was withheld Friday pending a
drug test on him. Why should he need to be on anything? Bicycling
over the Alps is as natural as hitting seventy-three home runs.
Los Angeles Dodger star Shawn Green took a day off Saturday
during a pennant race for his religion's holiest day of the year,
Yom Kippur. He's very sincere about it. It's not like when Dan
Rather refuses to work on George Washington's Birthday.
Elton John arrived at Taiwan's airport Wednesday and went
berserk shouting at photographers who surprised him at the
terminal. He is apparently having career problems. Only Osama bin
Laden has been off the Top Forty list longer than Elton John.
John Kerry vowed to go after terrorists Thursday and defeat
them his way. He does things just so. If John Kerry is president,
he will have two buttons on his phone inside the nuclear
briefcase, one for the butler and one for the night butler.
John Kerry told Temple University Friday he will wage war in
Iraq differently. It's called personal diplomacy. Due to his
superior people skills and sensitivity he will be better able to
get allies to send their soldiers into the wrong war at the wrong time.
The Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center said Tuesday men who drink
a glass of wine a day are less likely to get prostate cancer.
However, they didn't bother testing the effects of wine on women.
There has already been centuries of research on that.
Bill Clinton waved to photographers on Tuesday as he walked
out to his patio to read a book. His recovery is right on
schedule. He was wearing a baseball cap sideways in a transparent
attempt to get Britney Spears to pretend to marry him.
Woody Allen was reported in New York Friday to be shopping
his autobiography to publishers around town. In the book he freely
admits to a chauvinist view of relationships. He wears the pants
in the family, especially after the court order.
Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi addressed Congress
Thursday. He has survived four assassination attempts in two
months by political enemies and one previous assassination attempt
from Saddam Hussein. He is the Ralph Nader of the Middle East.
President Bush ripped John Kerry for sending mixed signals to the enemy and our allies and U.S. troops. Indecisiveness has its virtues. No one was more decisive than George Armstrong Custer and the last thing that went through his mind was an arrow.
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