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April 20th, 2024

Insight

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published August 23, 2021

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
The White House kept President Biden under wraps most of last week to allow events in Kabul to play out as they may. Circumstances are pressuring the president to take a harder line. Last night, President Biden walked outside the White House and shouted at the Taliban to get off his lawn.

President Biden gave an interview to ABC News Thursday and explained his administration's actions in the collapse of Afghanistan. The Taliban has blocked all roads leading to the Kabul airport. Biden vowed that every American who's still stuck in Afghanistan will receive a mail-in ballot.

President Biden bobbed and weaved through an ABC News interview about the catastrophe he enabled in Afghanistan eight thousand miles away. His political advisors all tell him the same thing. That was a long way to go to get Cuomo out of the news, but you did it, congratulations, Mr. President.

The Taliban leadership in Kabul addressed a press conference of international reporters on Thursday. They declared that they will allow no democracy, and that they will only allow Sharia law, and that's it. Imposing it on Afghanistan is bad enough, but they were talking about Minnesota.

President Biden said the airport chaos was part of his pullout in which troops were pulled out first, leaving behind civilians, weapons, drones, tanks and choppers. Already there's a new movie being made about President Biden's carefully planned evacuation from Kabul. It's called Dumbkirk.

The State Department announced Thursday they will fly Americans out of Afghanistan free of charge. The U.S. citizens who are trying to evacuate Kabul face one obstacle after another. You can't enter the Kabul Airport unless you have proof of vaccination and wear a mask, under Biden's orders.

New York Democrats say vaccination card requirements at public places re-enacts segregation because most blacks refuse the vaccine. We're getting there. Once we have separate drinking fountains for the vaccinated and unvaccinated the Democrats will have come full circle in my lifetime.

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The Afghanistan chaos was like a firehouse bell going off in my line of work last week. I love defying the comedy police. The weirdest people I've encountered on social media are the people who will react to one of my jokes about Hitler blowing his brains out by scolding me that it's too soon.

NBC News reported that Taliban units sealed off the Kabul Airport as Taliban fighters seized a huge cache of U.S. weapons left behind. It appears that the Taliban has replaced Covid as America's top health threat. It's only a matter of time before Dr. Fauci is telling us to Wear the Vest.

Former Afghanistan President Ashraf Ghani, who fled the capital city of Kabul like a coward as the Taliban approached last week, finally surfaced Tuesday in the United Arab Emirates. He was spotted in an Uber going from the airport to a massive high rise luxury residence. He was driving.

Taliban Abdul Ghani Baradar emerged as the new head of Afghanistan. He's cheered on the streets by followers who call Baradar the George Washington of Afghanistan for overthrowing the yoke of colonial rule. To cheer up Biden, the Queen just offered to name him the Duke of Yorktown.

Afghanistan's chaotic collapse shocked the world Monday when the Taliban stormed into the capital city of Kabul. It incited a terrified mob of Afghans, desperate to get out, to chase after departing U.S. transport planes. Joe Biden demanded that whoever is president take care of this mess.

The Pentagon reacted with surprise Monday over how quickly Taliban forces gained the upper hand in Afghanistan and the twenty-year war is over. The Taliban entered Kabul Sunday and declared victory. Democrats are insisting this would have never happened if Joe Biden were still alive.

President Biden told ABC the chaotic evacuation of Kabul and its consequences were expected and priced into his plans. There are between ten and forty thousand Americans still stranded in Afghanistan. No one knows the exact number, because Stacey Abrams collated the voter registrations.

President Biden asked Americans to get a third shot within eight months of the last shot. That is instructive. We learn from the third-vaccine-shot order that the first generation of injected microchips is only good for about eight months and then the battery wears out and stops broadcasting.

The White House reported it kept Joe Biden informed on the fall of Kabul during his vacation with updates from his staff and cabinet. Biden assembled the most racially and ethnically diverse cabinet and White House staff in U.S. history. They may be incompetent, but you can't have everything.

Taliban leaders assured Afghan women Tuesday they will be safe under Sharia Law. Afghan women voiced loud concerns they'll be locked in their homes and forced to cover their faces. I've voiced the exact same concerns for eighteen months, and everyone calls me a lunatic and anti-science.

Taliban chiefs entering the capital vowed to run a civilized country under Islamic law. It won't be long before they are promoting the Kabul Comedy Festival, but you won't want to sit on the front row. It'll be the only stand-up comedy show where the winner is the comic who bombs the worst.

German Chancellor heir-apparent Armin Laschet called the defeat of Afghanistan under U.S. watch the worst debacle in NATO history. He could be just jealous. Germany lost twice to the U.S., Britain and Russia and the Taliban is now three wins with no losses against the same three opponents.

President Biden was hit by approval ratings that slipped below fifty percent Tuesday, reflecting his poor handling of the Afghan crisis. Often times he just stands there. Joe Biden has the kind of personality that makes audiences want to file past him and say to each other how peaceful he looks.

President Biden spoke to the nation Thursday to reassert control of a world gone haywire. On top of high gasoline prices, inflation and the drug epidemic, the fall of a friendly Muslim regime could result in a hostage crisis. It never occurred to me till now that Jimmy Carter could be a warlock.

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