Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

President Biden addressed reporters in the White House Monday amid growing concerns over his administration's policies. We are seeing the rise of a regime that forces women to cover their faces, prevents children from going to school and canceled free speech. And the Taliban is even worse.

• Afghans panicked when the Taliban arrived and stormed the airport Monday. TV viewers saw hundreds of Afghans chasing after a U.S. transport plane on the runway and jumping on the wing during takeoff to try to get out. Everyone who's ever tried to board a Southwest flight has been there.

• The White House admitted Monday it was completely surprised by the speed in which Tailiban forces advanced toward Kabul after the U.S. cut off military support of the Afghan Army and prepared to withdraw. It was game over. Kabul fell faster than Joe Biden walking up a flight of stairs.

• President Biden defended his decision to withdraw troops Monday citing Afghanistan as a lost cause. It didn't stop there. Speaking of the Lost Cause, Biden announced he was also withdrawing troops from Alabama and Mississippi and Oklahoma because we can't be in these foreign wars forever.

• The New York Post reports that Taliban fighters were going door-to-door in the capital city of Kabul Monday in search of hiding Afghanistan government troops. The new regime is cheerfully brutal. The Taliban just announced that under its new rules Head & Shoulders will be sold separately.

• The State Department stated Monday the U.S. hopes the Taliban will establish a representative and inclusive government. And what'll we do if every member of their Taliban Ruling Council is an angry brown man with a beard, cancel them from social media? Who left the bag of idiots open?

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• Afghan rebels celebrated after expelling U.S. troops Monday in the wake of their past wins over the Soviet Union and the British Empire. I'm thinking about joining the Taliban for two reasons. First, it's always best to be on the winning team but mostly because if I bomb onstage, they'll love me.

• China and Russia were reported Monday making diplomatic overtures toward the new Taliban regime. They're eager to fill the Big Power vacuum left by the departing Americans. Meanwhile the Nobel Prize Committee nominated President Biden for the Nobel Peace Prize for not being Trump.

• The Pentagon was red-faced over the swift fall of Afghanistan and the Taliban's entry into the capital city, only a month after they predicted the Afghan Army would hold. Monday Sex is a lot like U.S. military policy. If you pull out at the wrong time, you waste twenty years and a TON of money.

• Senate Republicans predicted that the Taliban's new Islamic State will become a haven for Al-Qaeda's return. However last week, U.S. special forces reportedly killed Al-Qaeda's number-two leader. And that sounds like a big deal until you realize that Kamala Harris is our number-two leader.

• Taliban fighters entering Kabul Monday suddenly discovered they have concerns about Covid for the first time. Some of the Taliban fighters have engaged in cannibalism during the long war and they have one question. If you eat someone who's had the vaccine shot do you still need the shot?

• U.S. officials assured reporters Tuesday the tarmac at Kabul's airport is clear and evacuation flights resumed. If nothing else, Afghanistan taught the Germans that to defeat the United States, the Soviet Union and the British Empire you must fight them one at a time. And on your home field.

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