Jewish World Review August 12, 2004 /25 Menachem-Av, 5764
Trump's toys for
the newly bankrupt
Trump. You gotta hand it to him. One day, he's introducing a new line of fancy clothing. Next, he's declaring bankruptcy like it's no big deal. In fact, it may turn out to be a great deal! The perfect opportunity for him to start pitching products that are a bit more downscale. Just think of the market for ...
The Trump Signature Toothpick:
Why use a dirty fingernail, when the all-wood, finely honed Trumpick is available wherever fine mints are sitting?
The Trump Home Swimming System:
Imagine the joy of luxuriating in the crystal-clear waters of your very own Trump Hose. Available in forest green or summer leaf, the T.H. comes with two state-of-the-art settings: On and Drip.
The Trump Home Entertainment System:
Why go all the way to Atlantic City to hear Engelbert Humperdinck when you can make Engelbert come to YOU? With the Trump Deluxe AM radio/cassette player, you'll have the beloved balladeer crooning right next to your cot. Get ready for a concert you'll never forget - MINUS the crowds and two-drink minimum. (Tape sold separately.)
Kraft Trumperoni & Cheese:
Move over, SpongeBob.
The Trump Home Gaming System:
Love the thrill of high-stakes gambling, but can't find any more money in Grandma's purse? Don't get mad.Get ready for your next big game by practicing at home with this high-quality, solid polyethylene pair of dice, available in black, red or white, as in white-hot-winning-streak-that-makes-it-all-back-with-enough-left-overto-buy-Granny-a-new-couch! Best of all, this entire prestigious system can fit in your pocket when you go out to look for work. Or beer.
The Trump Twilight Harbor Cruise:
A stunning sunset, shimmering skyline and Lady Liberty herself! You'll pass within waving distance of the lovely Lady as you dine, nap or read the paper on this special ride, departing every 20 minutes from South Ferry.
The Trump Classic Sock Collection:
Six of the most commanding socks in America - and their stunning mates - are yours when you visit one of the new Trump Sock Emporia, conveniently located at a street fair near you. Rugged, ribbed and ready for action, these blindingly white tubes of cotton make any man's toes stand out.
Trump's Farm Apple Wine:
2004. A great year for "The Apprentice." The Olympics. And now, jug wine. Made from apples plucked by the increasingly peeved Melania Knauss herself.
Trump: The Art of the Deal ...
...was written with what? A pencil. And now you can own one, too! The Trump Scribbler boasts a core of solid graphite and a tough, golden shell able to repel even the roughest weather conditions. Perfect if you happen to be writing on a park bench. Or living there.
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JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy is a columnist for The New York Daily News. Comment by clicking here.
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© 2004, New York Daily News