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Jewish World Review August 31, 2004 / 14 Elul, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | The Athens Olympics drew huge television ratings for women's beach volleyball Friday among U.S. viewers. The credit was given to the Title IX law for opening the door to women in sports. The guy who invented Spandex and baby oil gets no credit at all.

Augusta National said commercials will air on The Masters in April. Feminist groups despise the all-male club. For the last two years protesters were kept in a pen a mile from the event, and now all presidential campaigns are run that way.

Carl Lewis ripped President Bush for using Olympic athletes from Iraq in his ads. He must resent the presidency in general. Carl Lewis was the world's fastest human until Bill Clinton went from impeachment to book deal in twelve million flat.

Tom Brokaw complained last week that NBC was shut out of hosting a presidential debate. It's a crying shame. Think of how many more people would watch the debates if they consisted of the Bush Twins versus the Kerry Daughters in beach volleyball.

Time magazine's latest poll has President Bush slightly ahead of John Kerry as the GOP Convention begins. Teresa Heinz Kerry has only a twenty-five percent approval rating. This demonstrates that one out of four Americans writes comedy for a living.

John Kerry denied allegations by the Swift Boat Veterans that he was a medal hunter in the Vietnam War. He insists that he has done nothing to promote himself. People in Los Angeles recognize that as the first sign of clinical depression.

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