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Jewish World Review August 25, 2004 / 8 Elul, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | John Kerry told New Yorkers Tuesday that the middle class is suffering. He theorizes about the middle class for the same reason rocket scientists play fantasy league baseball. It's a harmless way to stretch your mind and everyone enjoys a good laugh.

John Kerry sought out Hillary Clinton Tuesday to be a media responder during the GOP Convention. Imagine the coverage. Every time the Republicans pontificate on the sanctity of marriage, the television networks will have to give her equal time.

The Rose Bowl approved a plan last week to ready the stadium for an NFL team to play in Pasadena. There is local resistance to the idea. Pasadena is an old-money enclave and this is the first time that integration has been an issue for them.

California lawmakers moved the state's presidential primary back to June after eight years of trying it in March. It will soothe a lot of nerves. Ever since a German was elected governor, March sounds less like a calendar date and more like a command.

Admiral David Nash was set in Baghdad Monday to dish out eighteen billion to help rebuild Iraq's economy. It won't be long now. Whenever a nation loses a war to the U.S., it is only a matter of time before they are the world's leading automaker.

The Massachusetts Institute of Technology revealed Monday that a meteor missed slamming into the earth last spring by five thousand miles. How close is that? Four hours later the Supreme Court ruled that G-d stays in the Pledge of Allegiance.

The Guinness Book of World Records said Monday it's monitoring a woman in Malaysia in a locked glass box. She is trying to claim the world record for the longest stay inside a roomful of scorpions. The previous record is held by Judge Lance Ito.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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