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Jewish World Review August 16, 2004 /29 Menachem-Av, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | Florida was declared a disaster area Saturday when Hurricane Charley blew in and drenched the state. Jeb Bush just can't win. Democrats demanded electronic voting equipment and now that it's there they claim he's trying to electrocute them.

Philadelphia is the home of a dog who was reported on NBC News Tuesday to be able to say he loves you. The dog is an absolute genius. When a local television reporter told him to roll over he jumped in a Ford Explorer and got behind the wheel.

NBC's Bob Costas was a bucket of cold water at the Olympics opening ceremony Friday at Athens Stadium. He sounded surprised when the crowd cheered the American team. A cynic is a guy who smells flowers and starts looking around for the coffin.

John Kerry in Oregon Friday lashed out at the White House over the high price of gasoline. He was sincerely upset. If John Kerry had known how much money the oil companies were going to make, he would have married one of the Rockefeller widows.

John Kerry spoke in Southern California on Thursday in the city of Carson. He called for childcare credits and healthcare credits and job creation credits. Carson is a middle class town with middle class values or, as Teresa calls it, the Third World.

Kobe Bryant's prosecutors in Colorado lost their bid Friday to get the trial delayed indefinitely. The prosecutors are lucky the judge ruled against them. Any delay would just give him time to join the University of Colorado athlete protection program.

New Jersey's Governor Jim McGreevey admitted he's gay Thursday and announced he will resign. It gets worse and worse for him. His gay lover is suing him for making unwanted sexual advances and his wife has Gloria Allred holding on line three.

Donald Trump sought Chapter Eleven protection last week for his Atlantic City casinos. His casino investors lost everything. If you know who these people are then you know he can forget about The Apprentice, he's the new star of The Fugitive.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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