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Jewish World Review August 12, 2004 /25 Menachem-Av, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | The Olympic Games begin Friday with the torch lighting ceremony in Athens. There will also be the Parade of Nations. The opening ceremony will have an Ancient Greece theme, either on purpose or because they didn't get the stadium built on time.

Donald Trump sought bankruptcy protection Tuesday from unnamed investors who backed his gaming resorts in Atlantic City. Fortunately his television stardom is going very well. Donald Trump just had his feet placed in cement on The Sopranos.

The Washington Redskins won their first exhibition game Monday under Hall-of-Fame coach Joe Gibbs. His players show a remarkable amount of energy. The team doctor might have saved the season when he got his kits mixed up and gave them all home pregnancy tests.

Coors heir Pete Coors won the GOP Senate primary in Colorado on Tuesday. The pattern is clear. By the time campaign finance reform is finished sinking every candidate who isn't a billionaire, John McCain will have created the House of Lords.

John Kerry promised Tuesday to protect Las Vegas from the dangers of storing nuclear waste there. Nuclear radiation isn't all bad. Tourists from Los Angeles will pay three hundred a night for a room once they find out the face peels are free.

The Kaiser Foundation poll found Tuesday that seniors want the U.S. government to regulate prices and lift the ban on drugs from Canada so their drugs will be affordable. There's one good thing about a ban on importing drugs from Canada. Baby Boomers will feel thirty years younger when they know their drugs are illegal.

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