What is the best lie that
Can you pick just one?
She's the inevitable Democratic presidential candidate even though 60 percent of Americans consider her a liar. So her pants suits are always on fire, and only a Hillary Meat Puppet would say otherwise.
Yet rather than criticize her -- like those other men who just don't get it -- I'd like to celebrate her amazing truth-bending superpowers.
We've had males in high office who were great liars, like her husband. So why can't we have an awesome female liar, say a shrewd Mistress of Big Fat Whoppers?
What's more, Hillary can speak in accents. She's as adept in dialects as any student of Professor
Accents are her special talent. Instead of X-ray eyes or the ability to command storms, or move metal like Magneto, Hillary has her own superpower: She can pander to black audiences by talking like an African-American preacher singing a spiritual and get away with it.
If that's not an amazing power, what is?
Some might call her shameless.
But I'd call her Homeric.
Just last April, in
"I think if we were to just go around this room, there are a lot of immigrant stories," Clinton said at an
In reality, except for her paternal grandfather, her grandparents were born here. Her campaign acknowledged the error. Oops.
Others at the negotiations remembered her not.
"I negotiated open borders to let fleeing refugees into safety from
But she wouldn't go that far in her own biography, "Living History," in which she described her trip as one of support and little more.
Nothing matches her hair-raising account of landing in
"I remember landing under sniper fire," then-Sen. Clinton said during a 2008 foreign policy speech at
But no one could remember that she was shot at in
Politifact.com slapped her with the dreaded "Pants on Fire" rating for that one. And even though her pants suits were smoking, Hillary made it all about her humble nature, saying it "shows I'm human."
If she's truly human, she can prove it by hiring fibber
There are her lies about Benghazi of course, when she was secretary of state, the worst being that the deadly attack in
Now, at this point, what difference does it make?
Another alleged Benghazi lie was her recent assertion (again on
"You're starting with so many assumptions," Clinton said about subpoenas. "I've never had a subpoena. Again, let's take a deep breath here."
While we waited to exhale, it turned out that Hillary had indeed been subpoenaed by
Then there was that time of extreme poverty, when she left the
"You have no reason to remember, but we came out of the
But she could afford a
"You know if you find a turtle on a fence post, it didn't get there by accident," Hillary said in a 1998 interview on "Good Morning America" referring to those conspirators out there who were just dying to get her and Bill.
"And I just look at the landscape around here, and I see just lots of big ol' turtles sitting on lots of fence posts. And I think we need to find out how those ol' turtles got on those fence posts," she said.
Hillary spoke in a nice, rounded Southern accent and her eyes were big, like that friendly Southern TV cook who fried just about everything.
Now, with the media consumed by
I figure that if she is elected president with Americans believing her to be a liar, you'll see something amazing:
You'll see a mess of turtles wigging out in silent turtillian panic on fence posts all across America.
And Hillary will have put them there.