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Jewish World Review July 14, 2004 / 25 Tamuz, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr's famous duel was re- enacted in New Jersey Sunday on the event's bicentennial. Their bitter factional rivalry was settled by gunfight. They are immortalized in history books today as America's first rap moguls.

Alaska hailed oil tanker captains in Prince William Sound Monday for their perfect records. Last year the pilots had no oil spills for the first time ever. Only in Alaska do they congratulate people in Alcoholics Anonymous for not spilling a drop.

Chicago observed the twenty-fifth anniversary of Disco Demolition Day. Baseball fans at Comiskey Park rioted and burned disco records. During the primitive days of drug treatment, baby boomers thought if they destroyed their disco records they could stop doing cocaine.

The U.S. Senate debated a constitutional ban on same-sex marriages Monday. It's not enough. The way John Kerry and John Edwards spent all last week hugging and smiling and tousling each other's hair, they should also ban same-sex running mates.

Condoleezza Rice said Monday there are no plans to postpone the November election if terrorists attack. That's reassuring. There are rumors if Kerry and Edwards win they will postpone the inauguration until the first really good hair day in January.

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