Things teachers can't say (but I just did)

It's hard to teach kids right from wrong when the adults around them are terrified of the very words.

Several teacher friends say they are no longer permitted to say a student's behavior is "wrong" or even that a student has made a "wrong choice." Instead, when a child makes a wrong choice, engages in bad behavior, is unruly or noncompliant, teachers are to say such behavior is "unexpected."

Teacher to child: "Please sit down."

Child does not sit down.

Teacher to child: "My, that was unexpected."

No doubt a cold chill races down the child's spine. Hardly. For most children, "unexpected" would be an extended lunch period, a snow day or finding the spelling test has been cancelled.

For adults, "unexpected" usually refers to something along the lines of a surprise party, running into an old friend or a payment not clearing the bank.

Of course, there are committees, groups and studies funded by grants that stand behind the new nomenclature of "unexpected." But that doesn't negate the fact that it is painful for adults to wrap their heads around such convoluted thinking, let alone children.

"Unexpected" is a stray hair, or a poppy seed between your teeth, not a framework for social conscience. In the real world, people navigate mazes with turns and corners that wind up being right or wrong, good or bad, appropriate or inappropriate, prudent or foolish.

Along the same convoluted lines as "unexpected," teachers are also being told they are not to say a child "lied." Instead, they are to say a child has told an "untruth."

It is hard to imagine "untruth" catching on, yet I can hear the words of George Washington retooled for the 21st century: "I cannot tell an untruth."

Courtroom dramas will need revising as well. Prosecuting attorney to the witness on the stand: "May I remind you that you are under oath and untruthing on the stand is a punishable offense."

And then the jury breaks into laughter.

Lying is out; "untruthing" is in. You might also say a child is veracity-challenged, or has limited abilities conveying the full scope of reality.

If a lie is now an "untruth," then cheating must be viewed as utilizing unapproved outside resources. Fighting in the cafeteria becomes exercising the full forward thrust of arms and legs.

Silliness proliferates. When a school sexting scandal broke out in Vermont, an article quoted a communications expert as saying that parents should talk with their sons and daughters about sexting, but they should not use the words "right" and "wrong." Instead, parents were advised to use terms like "cool" and "uncool."

Why not call behavior what it really is? Why not simply speak the truth? Playing games with words, clouding a child's mind, and obscuring the consequences of choices will produce results that will be anything but unexpected.

Comment by clicking here.

Lori Borgman is a newspaper essayist, author and speaker. Her newspaper column, appearing in more than 300 newspapers, touches on a wide array of topics ranging from the truth about nagging to the hazards of upper arm flab. She is also the author of the popular essay, "The death of Common Sense ".