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Jewish World Review June 16, 2004 / 27 Sivan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | ABC Sports cut away from the Buick Open Sunday during the playoff. The sport must keep up. If golf is going to get any respect from network executives, the winning golfer each week will have to select a wife from the Tiger Woods Collection.

The Stepford Wives is a hit film satire about picture- perfect suburban housewives who happen to be robots. It's just science fiction. In real life if you want a woman who's compliant and docile and subservient you have to fill up her tank.

Boston faces the risk of a Democratic Convention with no law and order after a police union walkout Monday. Delegates could end up smoking indoors, drinking after hours and indulging in recreational drugs. Who says the Democrats don't have a health care plan?

Conde Nast said Saturday that Americans plan to vacation overseas this summer and this fall in record numbers. It's in the national character. Americans would rather risk being taken hostage by terrorists in Europe than watch Bush debate Kerry.

President Clinton returned to the White House on Monday for the unveiling of his official presidential portrait. The ceremony had to be postponed several times but it couldn't be helped. That's how long it takes for paint to dry on velvet.

Toyota dealers reported on Monday Californians are standing in line and paying thousands more than the sticker price just to buy the Prius. It's a hybrid car that gets high gas mileage. Anxious buyers are being told that buying a Prius is like marrying Jennifer Lopez, if you can just be patient it will eventually be your turn.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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