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Jewish World Review June 9, 2004 / 20 Sivan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | The Supreme Court on Monday ruled that thousands of Mexican trucks can flood the U.S. highways as part of the North American Free Trade Agreement. Critics say they are old and dirty and unsafe. So is Rodney Dangerfield, but women never learn.

The Los Angeles Lakers lost at home Sunday in front of a celebrity crowd. The vibe wasn't right. O.J.'s back in town, and L.A. fans couldn't concentrate on the game wondering what kind of mess might be waiting on the front porch when they got home.

The Tampa Bay Lightning won the Stanley Cup playoffs Monday over Calgary. The league was very disappointed by the television ratings. The game was beaten by a new reality show in which Americans watch paint dry and vote for their favorite wall.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban had a ninety-three- million-dollar opening weekend box office. The book's author J.K. Rowling is now the richest woman in England. She is just an annulment away from being the next Mrs. John Kerry.

John Kerry canceled a fundraising gala scheduled Monday night in Hollywood. No one was in the mood for a party. The porno industry shutdown is in its eighth week and the attempt to substitute for it with real relationships has everyone miserable.

President Bush was asked to give the eulogy at President Reagan's funeral on Friday. Republicans don't have the market cornered on religious beliefs. If you don't think Hillary Clinton believes in eternity, ask her how long it is until 2008.

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