Jewish World Review June 4, 2004 / 15 Sivan, 5764
important news ....
The Day after Tomorrow is a hit movie about global warming.
It shows a tidal wave destroying Los Angeles and New York. The
Dixie Chicks made the mistake of looking back while walking out of
the theater and they turned into a pillar of salt.
The Los Angeles Lakers play the Detroit Pistons in the NBA
Finals. No one is worried about post-victory riots. Like everyone
else, the looters have decided to hold off on flat-screen
televisions until the price comes down to two-to-five years.
Democrats urged the legalization of drug re-importation so
senior citizens can get cheaper drugs from Canada. It sets a bad
precedent. Next, filling stations in Canada will be mailing
cheaper gasoline to nursing homes in the San Fernando Valley.
Gasoline prices hit a new high Wednesday, cutting into mini-
mart profits. Customers have no money left to buy beer and
cigarettes and junk food. Not only are we paying record prices for
gas, but we are going to be paying them ten years longer.
John Kerry spoke Thursday at the Truman Library in
Independence and demanded more diplomacy in Iraq. The audience
response was cold. Only a missionary would urge diplomacy in a
place that produced Jesse James, Cole Younger, and Harry Truman.
Pentagon favorite Ahmad Chalabi was outed in Iraq as a spy
for Iran. He began his career as a bank embezzler. There is no
limit to what a man can get away with in the Mideast with a good
command of the English language and relatively clean fingernails.
Teresa Heinz Kerry spoke to families of U.S. service
personnel in West Virginia Wednesday. The campaign prefers that
she introduce her husband on the campaign trail. The Secret
Service says it cannot guarantee John Kerry's safety the first
time he introduces himself as a neo-metrosexual before a roomful
of West Virginians.
Prince William said Monday he will join the Royal Army after spending a month working on a farm in England. He cleaned up after pigs and milked cows and baled hay. It can't be good news that he wants to be able to make small talk with Paris Hilton.
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