Jewish World Review June 2, 2004 / 13 Sivan, 5764
important news ....
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban opened in London
Monday. The timing was unfortunate on this side of the pond. The
last thing Americans want to see is how much more trouble a boy
from private school can get into with the Arabs.
The Day after Tomorrow is a box office hit about how global
warming destroys life on this planet. The plot seems all too real.
Arnold Schwarzenegger ends his movie career to save California and
leaves the Earth with only Al Gore to defend it.
Martha Stewart volunteered Friday to spend twenty hours a
week teaching poor women how to become entrepreneurs. The court
should allow it. Martha Stewart has a lot of kitchen knives but
until she wins the Heisman, she is no threat to anybody.
The L.A. Lakers advanced to the NBA finals Monday at Staples
Center. It's quite a scene. Between the Laker players and the
courtside celebrities there are so many people wrapped up in
themselves it causes minor tornadoes to form in the parking lot.
Shaquille O'Neal informed the U.S. Olympic basketball team
he's not interested in playing for them in Athens this summer. He
receives terrorist threats every day. It's the price everybody
pays when they decide to change lanes in Los Angeles.
John Kerry declared Tuesday he would create a White House
office to prevent nuclear terrorism. His Vietnam edge wasn't
enough. Because he's had radiation therapy on his prostate he
believes he has nuclear experience over President Bush.
Bill Clinton will address the book publishers' annual
convention in Chicago tomorrow. He received a twelve-million-
dollar advance for his memoirs. This is the most expensive advance
since he told Paula Jones that she makes his knees knock.
U.S. Senate aide Jessica Cutler was fired for posting her sexual diary over the Internet. She prostituted herself to lobbyists during lunch hour. If she had kept her alligator loafers on during the act on she could have been arrested for impersonating a U.S. Senator.
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